Mama Superman

"Mama's here"

I am in the kitchen making supper and I hear Gideon talking to himself in the living room. I go to the door and peek in to see what he is doing. He has pulled all the couch cushions down onto the floor and is climbing up on them and then sliding down. As he is climbing up the unsteady cushions to reach the pinnacle, he mumbles to himself, "Mama's here, Mama's here."

I smile and walk back into the kitchen.

The next morning, Gideon is sitting in the living room trying to put his shoes on while I pack his lunch. I hear him struggle with his task, but then I hear, "Mama proud you. Good job". He still doesn't have his shoes on, but he is cheering himself on.

At supper that night, he drops his fork full of food onto the newly mopped floor and looks at me so sad and then shakes his head and smiles. He pats me on the arm and says, "No worries Mama".

As we are getting ready for bed, he wants to tell me what all the animals say. We go through cow, horsey, chicken, rooster, cat, dog, puppy (yes there is apparently a difference!), duck, sheep, elephant, tiger, snake, dinosaur, and pirate (this is one of my favorites - arrgggh!). Just for fun, I ask him 'What does Mama say?' He looks me in the eye and says, "Love you, Gideon". My heart just melted!!

Today, it was cold, rainy, dreary, and I was feeling a little bit like the weather. Nothing was really wrong, but I just couldn't shake this feeling of blah. Tell me you have been there...I was tired. Like bone-weary tired. I looked in the mirror and didn't like my hair. Didn't like my outfit. Looked in my fridge and didn't want to cook. Looked at the piles of laundry and messy room strewn with toys and felt like a failure. Snapped at my husband and felt like a mean wife. Watched my son go to daycare when all I wanted was to stay home and snuggle and felt like a rotten mother. Got to work and my heart just wasn't in it and I felt like a lousy teacher. This is how my day started and this is how it progressed....

I tried to snap myself out of it. I listened to uplifting praise music. I sang. I prayed. I called Babe and apologized. I faked it all day at work. But in my head, all I heard was 'You failed. You aren't enough. Gideon and Babe deserve better. Why can't you do these simple things right???"

I picked Gideon up from his sitter and we had a relaxing evening together. As I was sitting on the floor playing with him, he came over to me and said, "Mama Superman" and then hugged me. He went back to playing, not realizing the BOMBshell he had just set off in my spirit.

All of a sudden, I flashed back to the messages that I give to him:
 - when he is unsure, "Mama's here".
- when he makes a mess or a mistake, "No worries".
- when he is overcoming an obstacle, "Mama proud you. Good job!".

And most important of all, when he thinks of me, he KNOWS Mama loves Gideon. "Love you Gideon" is what Mama says, as much as 'meow' is what a cat says. That is the legacy that I am leaving my son. He doesn't care about all the rest! He is confident in the truth that I love him, I am proud of him, I am always there for him, and his 'mistakes' aren't permanent.

In that moment of knowing that my son saw me as Superman, I realized the voice playing in Gideon's and my head were the same - mine. Only what he heard was FAR different from what I heard. I determined in that moment, to only listen to the voice of my Father. Because, doesn't He tell me that He will never leave me or forsake me? Doesn't He tell me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me? Doesn't He tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made? Didn't He love me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me?

I may have dark days again, but I am confident in this:

Psalm 23

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...