Blessings

I admit it...I am a little behind in posting. Life has been happening. At lightening speed. And sometimes something has to give. And since it was either writing or my sanity, I took a brief hiatus from writing.

That being said, I am back! Aaaannnnndddd, I have a lot to say!

Oh 2012...you weren't my favorite. Now safely ensconced in 2013, and free to reflect on what has perhaps been my darkest year, I have a few things to say about it. Every event can either hold you down or propel you forward - and each one of us has to make that choice when adversity hits us. Smack in the face. When you weren't expecting it. Whew! So ok, dear friends....I am going to lay it all on the line. This post is not for the faint of heart. Prepare thyself.

Lessons Learned:

1. Life is HARD.

Truth.

No one said this was going to be easy. And yet...we still are shocked when life hands us a crappy set of circumstances. "In this world, there WILL BE troubles" (John 16:33). Not, 'there might be', not 'occasional setbacks', not 'only SOME people will have a bad day'. Nope. EVERYONE WILL have troubles. But, there is hope and peace, for God has overcome the world. You know what that means? It means, this too shall pass.

The storms are coming. Maybe they are already here. Maybe you're in the aftermath. But, rest assured...they will come. My pastor once said, "There are 3 types of people: those in a storm, those that just came out of one, and those getting ready to get hit by one." Not one of us is immune. But here's the great part - we can all prepare for them. We may not know what our individual storm will be or when it will come upon us, but we CAN get prayed up. We can arm ourselves with the Word of God and the TRUTH so that when the enemy sneaks in to lie, steal, kill, and destroy we aren't caught off guard. During the storm, we can praise Him. We can refrain from complaining. We can speak where we are going instead of where we ARE. We can get up, shut up, show up, look up, and believe up.

**I just made that last one up, but I like it! Because in a way, you have to believe up - more and better.**

After the storm has passed, we have to refuel, reset, renew, and sometime redo. But never forget - this battle belongs to the LORD. He is allowing this time in our lives so that we may emerge stronger and more resilent than before.

2. Hold on to your PROMISE.

There have been so many times this past year that I have wanted to give up. Just throw in the towel. Run away from home. Cover my face with my blanket and never get out of bed. And honestly, there were a few weeks in there that it LITERALLY took every once of strength that I had to get.out.of.bed.

Can I get an 'Amen' on that one?

I know that each one of you have also had those days when the "only" victory you could claim was that you get out of bed and got dressed and brushed your teeth. But can I tell you something? When those dark days threaten to swallow you, hold on to your promises from your God Who loves you and Who saved you. I challenge each of you to find your own specific promises and hide them so deep in your heart that you can't forget them. That they come to you automatically in times of despair and discouragement. I don't know what yours will be, but I will share a few of mine. I hope that these will get you started on your own journey of discovery:

(emphasis mine)
3 John 1:2  Beloved, I pray that in all things thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

Isaiah 9:1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress.

Joel 2:25-26 And I will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten—the hopping locust, the stripping locust, and the crawling locust, My great army which I sent among you.

²⁶ And you shall eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord, your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you. And My people shall never be put to shame.

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed.

Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

I acutally LOVE the entire chapter of Isaiah 61. It promises beauty for ashes and justice for the wronged. Please read the entire chapter. And then read it again. 47 more times if that is what it takes to realize that GOD WILL RESTORE. He promised. And I for one, choose to believe that truth. People may hurt me and let me down and lie to me and cheat me and shame me and disappoint me, BUT God never will. He will restore me. He will provide me with double my portion IN THIS LAND!! That means here on Earth in our lifetime people!

These are just a few of the promises that I have found for myself - they are there for you too!!! Go find them.

3. Love covers all.

Now, hear me. I don't mean it erases it. Or that it is some flimsy Hollywood version of two people running toward each other in a meadow of flowing grass in slow motion to embrace and then stroll into the sunset as the camera slowly pans away...NO.

Love is catching your sick son's throw up in your hand and calmly rinsing it off in the sink so you don't freak him out even more (can you imagine throwing up for the first time?? Talk about traumatic!) It is losing sleep to rock a teething baby back to sleep. It is cooking a meal for a friend because they are going through some crap too - and while they don't have a clue about what you are dealing with, they NEED you. It is giving until you have nothing left to give. And then giving even more. It is refusing to give up when everything seems hopeless and lost. It is falling on your face and crying until there are no tears left to cry and praying until your voice is gone and there aren't even words. 

It is choosing to try one.more.time. It is forgiving the unforgivable. Because you know what? Aren't we all unforgivable? Haven't we all been given a second chance through the cross? It is holding their hand when news comes, it is laughing in the face of trouble. It is snowball fights and Elmo and playing trains and walks in the rain and hard conversations and compromise and time out and deep breaths and sometimes it is walking away from those that hurt you. Sometimes love is moving on. Sometimes love is hanging on. Sometimes you wish death would come so you could part! Sometimes worse is so much worse than you ever could've imagined and you cry out to God 'Really??? THIS is Your plan for me??" And then those moments, like all the rest, pass too. And love is what is left.

Not feelings. Choices. Love. Commitment. The good stuff.

4. Give Grace. Then give more grace.

If I had to sum up 2012 in one word, it would be grace.

It is an often overlooked virtue, but it is so essential. And so many of us lack it. We are so stingy with it. As if there is a certain finite amount of grace to go around and if we give it away, it will be all gone and we will be left lacking something.

Grace is something that we were all given by our Heavenly Father, and yet we seem to be hardwired to withhold it from the people that we encounter on a daily basis. Why is that? Someone said to me the other day, "I feel so inadequate because I see all of the things I have screwed up in my life and then I look at {him} and he's got it all together -a perfect life." Isn't it funny how we all think everyone else has it 'all together'? Comparison is the thief of joy. Just as being judgemental and critical vanquish grace. Grace says, everyone is fighting a hard battle, so let's be gentle. Grace says, but by the grace of God, there go I. Grace says, I once was lost, but now I'm found.

People! We didn't get here by ourselves!

Is it really that hard to smile at the cashier in the suuuuuuuper slow checkout line? To not blow your horn at the car in front of you that is driving slower than you want? To compliment the lady at the store/restaurant/anyhwere in public that has an upset toddler instead of muttering under your breath about what a horrible parent she is? Who knows what is going on in their life? What they are dealing with? Aren't we called to be the hands and feet? So as His hands and feet, I don't think He meant for us to be kicking people while they are already down!

I encourage you to partake in random acts of grace and kindness. Not because of some facebook fad or current events. But because NO ONE (not even you, dear friend) deserve grace. And that is why it is so beautiful. Send a letter (or text if that's your style) to a friend telling them they are a blessing to you. That you like something about them. Make a meal for someone. Donate clothes or toys that you don't need anymore. Be generous with praise. Value people. If your words to someone were the last that they heard, would you be happy with what you said?

Give second chances and for goodness sake, get off your high horse! If God is no respecter of persons, then why in the world do we pass judgement all the time?? You just wait, Mr. and Mrs. Perfect....ALL have sinned and fallen short. No one deserves to be defined by their past. By their mistakes. We are all just one blink of an eye away from destruction. Judge not my friends...judge not.

There will come a time when I will look back on 2012 and I will only remember the strength that I gained, the triumphs, the beautiful and poignant moments. Time will have blurred the ragged edges of pain and hurt. I will stand victorious and smile and say, "2012, oh that was nothing. Lessons learned, gold refined, what a blessing that year was in my life."

I look forward to that day.

Blessings - Laura Story (such an amazing song to remind us all and that trials are blessings)

Until then, I thank God for giving me just enough life for the step I'm on...

Given Much (Repost)

I wanted to repost something I wrote months ago on another blog. Things in my life started to change around the time I wrote this post and I honestly just stumbled across it tonight. I have been meaning to write a new post for a while now, but this one seems fitting to repost. I will write soon though!

http://grenadesandgranola.blogspot.com/2012/03/to-whom-much-is-given.html

Laying Isaac Down

I have so much on my mind and heart these days...I have jotted down so many posts, and just haven't yet been led to post them. But this one came on me HARD. So, I will tell you, this post is going to be a little different. It is also one of the more difficult ones for me to write...but I follow where the Light leads me. So here goes every last thing that I have:

Have you ever had a bad day? Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt utterly alone? If you were able to watch yourself and your day unfold, it would seem as if everything was great. But inside, you are screaming- Doesn't anyone see? Don't you all get it? Am I the only one???

That was me yesterday. And if you happened to see me yesterday, I doubt that you picked up on my feelings. I hope that you didn't, in fact. Yesterday was a beautiful day, filled with laughter, fun times, and wonderful friends. And that is precisely why I was hurting so much inside. I have been dealing with some things personally and all of the happiness yesterday illuminated to me how hollow I have allowed myself to become. It made me LONG for something more.

I think that most people know what they don't want, but not enough people know exactly what they DO want. They know they don't want to lose, but they don't know how to win...yesterday this smacked me in the face repeatedly...like seriously, over and over and over. I actually woke up this morning and looked in the mirror for the bruises.

Last night I cried out to the Lord and asked Him, "How much longer must I stay in this place? What am I missing so that I can move on? How much pain must I endure before You relieve me?"

Silence.

I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep. I woke up with a tear streaked face and swollen eyes. With a broken and heavy heart. I asked again, "What am I missing? Is this really what You have planned for my life!?"

I went to church and tried to pray. Tried to hear God. Tried to make sense of this wilderness that I am in. I sang and prayed and took notes on the message. AND FELT NOTHING. Heard nothing. I felt even more alone than before. And then with only moments of the service left, I heard Him answer me. "Worship me. Keep seeking Me. Surrender."

But it was on my way home that I got my answer. Whispered to my heart. "Lay your Isaac down."

BOOM

I was not ready for that. I mean I honestly thought I had surrendered. Everything. I thought I had let go of controlling my situation. But in that instant, I realized I didn't have the faith that Abraham had up on that mountain. What if I was blocking my own blessing??

Journey with me for a minute to Genesis:

God promises Abram and Sarai children. They are old. Sarai is barren. They trust in God's promise...for a little while. And then they start trying to "help" God out. Abram has a son by Sarai's servant. It causes serious strife in the household, as you might imagine. God does in fact bless Sarah and Abraham with a child. He calls them by new names. Isaac is their son. He is the culmination of a covenant between them and God. Can you imagine waiting years and years and years for God to move on His promise? The joy! The peace! The fulfillment! God said He would and He did.

Ahhhhhhh....the end right? Nope. Let's look at Genesis 22. God called to Abraham and said 'You remember that child that you and Sarah waited 25 years for? I want him back. Go up on that mountain and build an altar and offer up the joy of your heart, your beloved son, the THING I have promised to you. Give it back to me. Lay your Isaac down.'

Can you imagine? God asked Abraham to show his love by sacrificing his only son. God had asked Abraham to trust Him before and Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands. They tried to 'help' God out. So now He has come back and asked for total trust and surrender. What would Abraham do? What would you do? What would I do?

Abraham departs immediately. What's interesting to me is that he doesn't tell anyone what God has asked him to do. Not even his wife. God gave him this mission. He doesn't prepare. He doesn't throw a going away party. He loads up Isaac, some firewood, some matches and heads out. It is several days journey to the mountain where he is supposed to offer up Isaac. Along the way, Isaac says, 'Hey Dad? I noticed that you brought the wood and the matches, but didn't you forget an essential piece? Where's the ram? What are we going to put on the alter?' Abraham looks at his son and calmly replies, 'God Himself will provide'.

In that sentence I feel like Abraham had made his choice. He had already prepared his heart to lay Isaac down. To forfeit his son for God's blessing. Whether he meant that God would provide a proxy or if he meant that God would provide for him in his sorrow. He was at peace with obeying God.

Abraham went on to build the altar and tie Isaac up, lay him on the altar and raise his knife to kill his son, when an angel of the Lord spoke to him and stopped him. Abraham was blessed by God that day - he was promised that the world would be populated more than the stars in the sky, more than the sand on seashore by his descendants. He laid it all on the line and was rewarded a million times over.

God said that since Abraham did not withhold anything from Him, He would not withhold anything from him.

I have been asking myself today, what have I been withholding from God? Am I totally surrendered to Him? Have I taken MY Isaac and laid it up on the altar and been willing to lose it all??? Because honestly, what do we gain by counting on ourselves and not God?

Mark 8:36 (KJV)

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

 

What is your Isaac, dear friend? What have you been holding on to sooo tightly that God can't get in there and move and bring about the blessing?

 

For me, I know what my Isaac is. It is not the time to reveal it now. I know God will move in my life. He will not leave me or forsake me (Heb 13:5). He has an appointed time for me. He is never late or 'just in the knick of time.' He is ALWAYS right on time (Hab 2:3). So until that appointed time, I will surrender. I will worship. I will be the hand of hope. I will grow. I will be allow myself to be broken so that I may be made whole.

 

I pray today that you may be able to lay your Isaac down. That together we might take this step of faith. For what we give to God will come back 30, 60, even 100-fold (Matt 13:23). I believe the God of 100-fold.

 

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...

 

Perfect Pumpkins

Ever feel like a pumpkin? I mean, for real? I do!

Growing up, my family never "celebrated" Halloween, so I am new to all of this pumpkin carving, costume wearing, candy eating extravagance.

So here it how it is going down: First, we went through three different costume attempts before we found one that Gideon would wear. Dude, seriously, you are not even TWO yet!!! How can you have such clothing preferences?? I love it though - he is his own man already.

Then, we had to find the perfect pumpkin. We currently have 3, and I am told that we still need another! We have one teeny, tiny one that is simply for decoration (I think it is more of a gourd actually, but who am I to judge??). We have one medium size one that I got for Gideon to actually decorate himself. And then we have a big one that Babe is supposed to carve. We bought special carving tools - again, I am new to all of this, so it's not like I have this stuff just lying around! We bought Sesame Street templates, so that our carved pumpkin can be Elmo, Ernie, Cookie, or Oscar...

And now Babe tells me that the shape is wrong for the templates. It would seem that I bought us a very round and fat one, and what we in fact need is a taller and skinnier one. Shocking, I know...taller and thinner...hhhmmmmph.

So now, we take this PERFECT pumpkin, and what do we do? We cut it open and scoop its guts out. We carve everything out of it and then rinse it in a solution to keep it from rotting. We carve a mask onto the front of it and then put the top back on. Our 'perfect' pumpkin wasn't so perfect as it turns out.

Let's look at this a bit more closely - because I personally feel like I can feel this poor pumpkin's pain.

All a pumpkin knows is to grow on its vine. And then one day a (hopefully) nice family comes along and chooses it. Compares it to all the other pumpkins and falls in love with it and takes it home. The pumpkin must feel so elated! So thrilled! Now, life will begin! But, what's this??? A knife?? The people that professed to love it the most cut it. TO THE CORE. In fact, not only do they cut it open, they scoop everything out, leaving the pumpkin empty and hollow.

Ouch.

Didn't see that one coming...

But there's more. Now they rinse the bruised flesh with a solution that will keep it from rotting. It burns. It smells. It isn't pleasant. Will this torture ever end?

Then comes the transformation. Delicate knives and picks begin to slowly chip away at the surface of the pumpkin, methodically changing it's very being into something else. The pumpkin is gone, replaced with  Elmo, or a crooked grin, or a flag, or a message. Finally, a candle is placed inside the hollowed-out, sanitized, reconstructioned pumpkin. The top is placed back on and as the suns sets and darkness sets in, the light burns brightly through the transformed pumpkin. Lighting a dark walkway. Bringing joy to children. Summoning a new season. Finally, the transformation is complete. Gone is the pumpkin. But, better yet, in its place, a beautiful, glowing jack-o-lantern.

Don't we all start out 'perfect' and incomplete? Aren't we all chosen? Don't we all get caught unawares at some point and have the lid of our 'perfect' lives blown off? Haven't we all been hollowed out and left empty? Haven't we all come dangerously close to letting rotten things penetrate our very souls and beings? Haven't we all worn a mask at some point?

But - and this is ALL on us - BUT don't we all have a light flickering inside us? Wanting to bust through - TO SHINE out as a beacon of joy and hope? To help guide others on their journey in the darkness?

God has chosen all of us. He has made us all in His image. He allows us to be transformed. To go through the process. Because what is the alternative? To wither and rot in the field?

Tonight, as I look at our plethora of pumpkins, I am encouraged that God loved me enough to scoop out everything in me that is rotten, rinse and cleanse me, carve a beautiful image upon me, and set a light inside me that will never burn out.

Isaiah 48:10-11a
(AMP)

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I do it [I refrain and do not utterly destroy you];

Ephesians 5:8-14
(CEB)

⁸ You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord, so live your life as children of light. ⁹ Light produces fruit that consists of every sort of goodness, justice, and truth. ¹⁰ Therefore, test everything to see what’s pleasing to the Lord, ¹¹ and don’t participate in the unfruitful actions of darkness. Instead, you should reveal the truth about them. ¹² It’s embarrassing to even talk about what certain persons do in secret. ¹³ But everything exposed to the light is revealed by the light. ¹⁴ Everything that is revealed by the light is light. Therefore, it says, Wake up, sleeper!^[a] Get up from the dead,^[b] and Christ will shine on you

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...

Mama Superman

"Mama's here"

I am in the kitchen making supper and I hear Gideon talking to himself in the living room. I go to the door and peek in to see what he is doing. He has pulled all the couch cushions down onto the floor and is climbing up on them and then sliding down. As he is climbing up the unsteady cushions to reach the pinnacle, he mumbles to himself, "Mama's here, Mama's here."

I smile and walk back into the kitchen.

The next morning, Gideon is sitting in the living room trying to put his shoes on while I pack his lunch. I hear him struggle with his task, but then I hear, "Mama proud you. Good job". He still doesn't have his shoes on, but he is cheering himself on.

At supper that night, he drops his fork full of food onto the newly mopped floor and looks at me so sad and then shakes his head and smiles. He pats me on the arm and says, "No worries Mama".

As we are getting ready for bed, he wants to tell me what all the animals say. We go through cow, horsey, chicken, rooster, cat, dog, puppy (yes there is apparently a difference!), duck, sheep, elephant, tiger, snake, dinosaur, and pirate (this is one of my favorites - arrgggh!). Just for fun, I ask him 'What does Mama say?' He looks me in the eye and says, "Love you, Gideon". My heart just melted!!

Today, it was cold, rainy, dreary, and I was feeling a little bit like the weather. Nothing was really wrong, but I just couldn't shake this feeling of blah. Tell me you have been there...I was tired. Like bone-weary tired. I looked in the mirror and didn't like my hair. Didn't like my outfit. Looked in my fridge and didn't want to cook. Looked at the piles of laundry and messy room strewn with toys and felt like a failure. Snapped at my husband and felt like a mean wife. Watched my son go to daycare when all I wanted was to stay home and snuggle and felt like a rotten mother. Got to work and my heart just wasn't in it and I felt like a lousy teacher. This is how my day started and this is how it progressed....

I tried to snap myself out of it. I listened to uplifting praise music. I sang. I prayed. I called Babe and apologized. I faked it all day at work. But in my head, all I heard was 'You failed. You aren't enough. Gideon and Babe deserve better. Why can't you do these simple things right???"

I picked Gideon up from his sitter and we had a relaxing evening together. As I was sitting on the floor playing with him, he came over to me and said, "Mama Superman" and then hugged me. He went back to playing, not realizing the BOMBshell he had just set off in my spirit.

All of a sudden, I flashed back to the messages that I give to him:
 - when he is unsure, "Mama's here".
- when he makes a mess or a mistake, "No worries".
- when he is overcoming an obstacle, "Mama proud you. Good job!".

And most important of all, when he thinks of me, he KNOWS Mama loves Gideon. "Love you Gideon" is what Mama says, as much as 'meow' is what a cat says. That is the legacy that I am leaving my son. He doesn't care about all the rest! He is confident in the truth that I love him, I am proud of him, I am always there for him, and his 'mistakes' aren't permanent.

In that moment of knowing that my son saw me as Superman, I realized the voice playing in Gideon's and my head were the same - mine. Only what he heard was FAR different from what I heard. I determined in that moment, to only listen to the voice of my Father. Because, doesn't He tell me that He will never leave me or forsake me? Doesn't He tell me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me? Doesn't He tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made? Didn't He love me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me?

I may have dark days again, but I am confident in this:

Psalm 23

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...

Mama Parkle!

"Mama parkle! Mama george-us!" Translation - 'Mama sparkle! Mama gorgeous!'

Having a child with a sweet spirit like Gideon's is like having your very own cheering squad. In his almost two years of life, I don't think I have ever fallen short in his eyes. I am larger than life. I am 'george-us'. I 'parkle'. My kisses heal boo-boos. My embrace quiets tantrums and calms fears. My body was his home and he nursed at my breast. I gave him LIFE. He loves me so....

This particular night, I am trying on clothes, getting ready to go to a meeting. As a mama and preschool teacher, I don't often dress "up". I fix my hair and put on make-up everyday. I am presentable. But I don't always 'sparkle'. My everyday life doesn't call for sparkle.

But tonight, I am going to be talking in front of a group of people. I try on several shirts, not aware that Gideon is watching my every move. The first shirt is a light pink tank top, covered in sequins. The next one is grey with ruching, and the third is teal. I try them all on with my skirt and then with a jacket. I decide on the grey shirt and sit down to put my heels on.

Suddenly, Gideon, who has been playing quietly, says "NO NO NO Mama!". He brings me the pink sequined tank and hands it to me and says, "Mama parkle". So I slip into it and turn to him. "Is this what you want honey?"

Gideon hugs my leg and looks up at me and says, "Mama parkle. Mama george-us!"

My heart melts and tears spring to my eyes.

Isn't this the cry of all of our hearts? To know that we are SEEN. That we are beautiful. What a precious gift my son gave me that night. In the wear and tear of day to day, I was forgetting my sparkle.

I was made to sparkle. To stand out. To SHINE. It is my duty and honor to sparkle for my son. To be his light. To reflect His Light.

1 Peter 3:4

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

⁴ Rather, beauty is something internal that can’t be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious.

Proverbs 31:28-30
AMP

28  Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],29  Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.30  Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

Thank you Lord, for giving me just enough light for this step...

Falling Into Rest

Tonight while reading "Goodnight Moon" for the 12th time, I noticed that Gideon kept pointing to this one particular picture that was black and white and saying, "blue, red, blue, red". I couldn't figure out why he was determined that these 3 little bears sitting in chairs were blue and red, when clearly they were black and white. However, on the 13th time reading the story, I realized that on the first page of the book, there were those bears in full color. And wouldn't you know it - they were indeed blue and red.

I honestly can't tell you how many times I have read that book and I never paid any attention to the color of the bears, because it didn't seem like an important part of the story. And yet it was very important to Gideon. He not only noticed their original color, but he noticed when the color was lacking.

Perhaps this 'minor' detail would've remained just that to me if only I hadn't fallen...

Over the weekend, Gideon and I went to the park (as we often do) and while there, a young girl of about 4 fell from the top of a slide, about 10-12 feet off the ground. I saw her getting way to close to the edge and looked around for her parents. Not seeing them, I began walking toward her and telling her to back up. But alas, she stepped over the side into nothingness and was dangling within seconds. I sprinted the rest of the way to her and managed to get under her just as she let go and fell. I caught her and set her on the ground, relieved that she was unharmed, but ANGRY that her parents were nowhere to be found! Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I looked around again for her parents. She ran off to play again, totally unaware of the danger that she had just been in.

As well as I understand that no one can be everywhere at once, I was angry that her parents were no where to be found! I mean - COME ON! Anyway, Gideon and I stayed a little longer and then we headed out.

Yesterday, I found myself recounting this story to a friend as we were talking about raising toddlers. Her daughter is very adventurous and requires a higher level of alert than Gideon. So, standing in my kitchen, I demonstrate how I caught this little girl. The only difference was that this time, I stepped on a baking sheet that Gideon had been playing drums on. My right leg shot out, my left leg flew up and I did the most commplete split of my entire life. And then I fell over onto my butt. It felt like it was happening is slow motion and according to my friend, it was very graceful.

But it hurt. A lot. Right away. And I have a pretty high pain threshold, but ouch! I knew that it wasn't good. I laid down when Gideon took his nap about an hour later, hoping that if I rested a little I would be good as new. Not so much. I tried stretching and yoga and even some pain medicine, but it just seemed to get worse as time passed.

When my alarm went off this morning, I knew I wasn't going to be able to move. Oh it was BAD. I forced myself up and got in the shower, still hoping that my sore, stiff muscles would relax and I would be ok. But I almost threw up trying to dry off and getting dressed nearly sent me over the edge.

I called my chiropractor as soon as his office opened and made an appointment. It was pretty bad he said. Rest, ice and anti-inflammatories. And come back on Wednesday. So home I went. I walked in the house - which looked like it had been hit by a tornado, because I hadn't straightened up after our playdate yesterday. The dishes weren't done from the night before, laundry needed to be folded, the bed wasn't made....*sigh*

I thought about doing a quick clean and then I moved. And remembered. I HURT. So, I grabbed 2 ibuprofen, some water, and an ice pack and made my way to the couch. I got situated and turned on the TV. It was 10:00 on the dot. I flipped through a few channels and found an episode of Joyce Meyer. Today her show was her Annual Report. I almost changed the channel. But then she sid something that spoke straight to my heart. She was talking about how her ministry had expanded in the face of incredible adversity. She had been ready to quit pushing ahead and God reminded her to "not grow weary in well-doing, for IN DUE TIME, you will reap".

Oh, God, You always find a way to get Your message across! I have been going through some stuff - haven't we all?? And I am guilty of growing weary. Sometimes it seems like you're the only person doing the right thing and that it isn't getting you anywhere. Wouldn't it just be easier to throw in the towel and quit? Stop doing the right thing? Stop pressing on and pressing in?

Aren't we all a little guilty of striving? Fixing? We trust God to get us where we're going, but we try to help Him out. We try to take shortcuts or figure it out on our own. We ask for signs and then interpret everything to mean what we want it to mean. We grow weary...but are we resting? I mean properly, resting? Do we sit still enough to know what God's will is for us? Or are we so full steam ahead that we miss the small still Voice? Do we set off on a path that we determine and then expect God to follow us??? WHOA

Am I glad that I fell and hurt my back? Not at all. It still hurts like the dickens. I would love nothing more than to get up off the couch and be free from pain. But what I know is God allowed me to slow down long enough to get my attention. To remind me that He is in everything and that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He has (notice the past tense here!!!) the victory and we are ONLY required to remain focused and steadfast on our journey. He never asks us to accomplish it in a certain amount of time, He only asks us to not grow weary.

He wants us to see the color in our stories. Sometimes we simply scan our environment and overlook the details that make up part of our story. And no one's story is the same. I can't tell yours and you can't tell mine. I need your story. You might need mine. But need to stay rested and focused so that we don't miss the 'red, blue' and all the many other colors and details.

And when we do get a little weary, that is ok. He wants to give us rest. He will re-invigorate us and set us back on the right path. But first we must be willing to rest and follow.

Exodus 33:14 (NIV)

The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Galatians 6:9

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

 Thank you Lord, for just enough light for this step...