Perfect Pumpkins

Ever feel like a pumpkin? I mean, for real? I do!

Growing up, my family never "celebrated" Halloween, so I am new to all of this pumpkin carving, costume wearing, candy eating extravagance.

So here it how it is going down: First, we went through three different costume attempts before we found one that Gideon would wear. Dude, seriously, you are not even TWO yet!!! How can you have such clothing preferences?? I love it though - he is his own man already.

Then, we had to find the perfect pumpkin. We currently have 3, and I am told that we still need another! We have one teeny, tiny one that is simply for decoration (I think it is more of a gourd actually, but who am I to judge??). We have one medium size one that I got for Gideon to actually decorate himself. And then we have a big one that Babe is supposed to carve. We bought special carving tools - again, I am new to all of this, so it's not like I have this stuff just lying around! We bought Sesame Street templates, so that our carved pumpkin can be Elmo, Ernie, Cookie, or Oscar...

And now Babe tells me that the shape is wrong for the templates. It would seem that I bought us a very round and fat one, and what we in fact need is a taller and skinnier one. Shocking, I know...taller and thinner...hhhmmmmph.

So now, we take this PERFECT pumpkin, and what do we do? We cut it open and scoop its guts out. We carve everything out of it and then rinse it in a solution to keep it from rotting. We carve a mask onto the front of it and then put the top back on. Our 'perfect' pumpkin wasn't so perfect as it turns out.

Let's look at this a bit more closely - because I personally feel like I can feel this poor pumpkin's pain.

All a pumpkin knows is to grow on its vine. And then one day a (hopefully) nice family comes along and chooses it. Compares it to all the other pumpkins and falls in love with it and takes it home. The pumpkin must feel so elated! So thrilled! Now, life will begin! But, what's this??? A knife?? The people that professed to love it the most cut it. TO THE CORE. In fact, not only do they cut it open, they scoop everything out, leaving the pumpkin empty and hollow.

Ouch.

Didn't see that one coming...

But there's more. Now they rinse the bruised flesh with a solution that will keep it from rotting. It burns. It smells. It isn't pleasant. Will this torture ever end?

Then comes the transformation. Delicate knives and picks begin to slowly chip away at the surface of the pumpkin, methodically changing it's very being into something else. The pumpkin is gone, replaced with  Elmo, or a crooked grin, or a flag, or a message. Finally, a candle is placed inside the hollowed-out, sanitized, reconstructioned pumpkin. The top is placed back on and as the suns sets and darkness sets in, the light burns brightly through the transformed pumpkin. Lighting a dark walkway. Bringing joy to children. Summoning a new season. Finally, the transformation is complete. Gone is the pumpkin. But, better yet, in its place, a beautiful, glowing jack-o-lantern.

Don't we all start out 'perfect' and incomplete? Aren't we all chosen? Don't we all get caught unawares at some point and have the lid of our 'perfect' lives blown off? Haven't we all been hollowed out and left empty? Haven't we all come dangerously close to letting rotten things penetrate our very souls and beings? Haven't we all worn a mask at some point?

But - and this is ALL on us - BUT don't we all have a light flickering inside us? Wanting to bust through - TO SHINE out as a beacon of joy and hope? To help guide others on their journey in the darkness?

God has chosen all of us. He has made us all in His image. He allows us to be transformed. To go through the process. Because what is the alternative? To wither and rot in the field?

Tonight, as I look at our plethora of pumpkins, I am encouraged that God loved me enough to scoop out everything in me that is rotten, rinse and cleanse me, carve a beautiful image upon me, and set a light inside me that will never burn out.

Isaiah 48:10-11a
(AMP)

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I do it [I refrain and do not utterly destroy you];

Ephesians 5:8-14
(CEB)

⁸ You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord, so live your life as children of light. ⁹ Light produces fruit that consists of every sort of goodness, justice, and truth. ¹⁰ Therefore, test everything to see what’s pleasing to the Lord, ¹¹ and don’t participate in the unfruitful actions of darkness. Instead, you should reveal the truth about them. ¹² It’s embarrassing to even talk about what certain persons do in secret. ¹³ But everything exposed to the light is revealed by the light. ¹⁴ Everything that is revealed by the light is light. Therefore, it says, Wake up, sleeper!^[a] Get up from the dead,^[b] and Christ will shine on you

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...

Mama Superman

"Mama's here"

I am in the kitchen making supper and I hear Gideon talking to himself in the living room. I go to the door and peek in to see what he is doing. He has pulled all the couch cushions down onto the floor and is climbing up on them and then sliding down. As he is climbing up the unsteady cushions to reach the pinnacle, he mumbles to himself, "Mama's here, Mama's here."

I smile and walk back into the kitchen.

The next morning, Gideon is sitting in the living room trying to put his shoes on while I pack his lunch. I hear him struggle with his task, but then I hear, "Mama proud you. Good job". He still doesn't have his shoes on, but he is cheering himself on.

At supper that night, he drops his fork full of food onto the newly mopped floor and looks at me so sad and then shakes his head and smiles. He pats me on the arm and says, "No worries Mama".

As we are getting ready for bed, he wants to tell me what all the animals say. We go through cow, horsey, chicken, rooster, cat, dog, puppy (yes there is apparently a difference!), duck, sheep, elephant, tiger, snake, dinosaur, and pirate (this is one of my favorites - arrgggh!). Just for fun, I ask him 'What does Mama say?' He looks me in the eye and says, "Love you, Gideon". My heart just melted!!

Today, it was cold, rainy, dreary, and I was feeling a little bit like the weather. Nothing was really wrong, but I just couldn't shake this feeling of blah. Tell me you have been there...I was tired. Like bone-weary tired. I looked in the mirror and didn't like my hair. Didn't like my outfit. Looked in my fridge and didn't want to cook. Looked at the piles of laundry and messy room strewn with toys and felt like a failure. Snapped at my husband and felt like a mean wife. Watched my son go to daycare when all I wanted was to stay home and snuggle and felt like a rotten mother. Got to work and my heart just wasn't in it and I felt like a lousy teacher. This is how my day started and this is how it progressed....

I tried to snap myself out of it. I listened to uplifting praise music. I sang. I prayed. I called Babe and apologized. I faked it all day at work. But in my head, all I heard was 'You failed. You aren't enough. Gideon and Babe deserve better. Why can't you do these simple things right???"

I picked Gideon up from his sitter and we had a relaxing evening together. As I was sitting on the floor playing with him, he came over to me and said, "Mama Superman" and then hugged me. He went back to playing, not realizing the BOMBshell he had just set off in my spirit.

All of a sudden, I flashed back to the messages that I give to him:
 - when he is unsure, "Mama's here".
- when he makes a mess or a mistake, "No worries".
- when he is overcoming an obstacle, "Mama proud you. Good job!".

And most important of all, when he thinks of me, he KNOWS Mama loves Gideon. "Love you Gideon" is what Mama says, as much as 'meow' is what a cat says. That is the legacy that I am leaving my son. He doesn't care about all the rest! He is confident in the truth that I love him, I am proud of him, I am always there for him, and his 'mistakes' aren't permanent.

In that moment of knowing that my son saw me as Superman, I realized the voice playing in Gideon's and my head were the same - mine. Only what he heard was FAR different from what I heard. I determined in that moment, to only listen to the voice of my Father. Because, doesn't He tell me that He will never leave me or forsake me? Doesn't He tell me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me? Doesn't He tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made? Didn't He love me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me?

I may have dark days again, but I am confident in this:

Psalm 23

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...