I wanted to repost something I wrote months ago on another blog. Things in my life started to change around the time I wrote this post and I honestly just stumbled across it tonight. I have been meaning to write a new post for a while now, but this one seems fitting to repost. I will write soon though!
http://grenadesandgranola.blogspot.com/2012/03/to-whom-much-is-given.html
Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Laying Isaac Down
I have so much on my mind and heart these days...I have jotted down so many posts, and just haven't yet been led to post them. But this one came on me HARD. So, I will tell you, this post is going to be a little different. It is also one of the more difficult ones for me to write...but I follow where the Light leads me. So here goes every last thing that I have:
Have you ever had a bad day? Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt utterly alone? If you were able to watch yourself and your day unfold, it would seem as if everything was great. But inside, you are screaming- Doesn't anyone see? Don't you all get it? Am I the only one???
That was me yesterday. And if you happened to see me yesterday, I doubt that you picked up on my feelings. I hope that you didn't, in fact. Yesterday was a beautiful day, filled with laughter, fun times, and wonderful friends. And that is precisely why I was hurting so much inside. I have been dealing with some things personally and all of the happiness yesterday illuminated to me how hollow I have allowed myself to become. It made me LONG for something more.
I think that most people know what they don't want, but not enough people know exactly what they DO want. They know they don't want to lose, but they don't know how to win...yesterday this smacked me in the face repeatedly...like seriously, over and over and over. I actually woke up this morning and looked in the mirror for the bruises.
Last night I cried out to the Lord and asked Him, "How much longer must I stay in this place? What am I missing so that I can move on? How much pain must I endure before You relieve me?"
Silence.
I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep. I woke up with a tear streaked face and swollen eyes. With a broken and heavy heart. I asked again, "What am I missing? Is this really what You have planned for my life!?"
I went to church and tried to pray. Tried to hear God. Tried to make sense of this wilderness that I am in. I sang and prayed and took notes on the message. AND FELT NOTHING. Heard nothing. I felt even more alone than before. And then with only moments of the service left, I heard Him answer me. "Worship me. Keep seeking Me. Surrender."
But it was on my way home that I got my answer. Whispered to my heart. "Lay your Isaac down."
BOOM
I was not ready for that. I mean I honestly thought I had surrendered. Everything. I thought I had let go of controlling my situation. But in that instant, I realized I didn't have the faith that Abraham had up on that mountain. What if I was blocking my own blessing??
Journey with me for a minute to Genesis:
God promises Abram and Sarai children. They are old. Sarai is barren. They trust in God's promise...for a little while. And then they start trying to "help" God out. Abram has a son by Sarai's servant. It causes serious strife in the household, as you might imagine. God does in fact bless Sarah and Abraham with a child. He calls them by new names. Isaac is their son. He is the culmination of a covenant between them and God. Can you imagine waiting years and years and years for God to move on His promise? The joy! The peace! The fulfillment! God said He would and He did.
Ahhhhhhh....the end right? Nope. Let's look at Genesis 22. God called to Abraham and said 'You remember that child that you and Sarah waited 25 years for? I want him back. Go up on that mountain and build an altar and offer up the joy of your heart, your beloved son, the THING I have promised to you. Give it back to me. Lay your Isaac down.'
Can you imagine? God asked Abraham to show his love by sacrificing his only son. God had asked Abraham to trust Him before and Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands. They tried to 'help' God out. So now He has come back and asked for total trust and surrender. What would Abraham do? What would you do? What would I do?
Abraham departs immediately. What's interesting to me is that he doesn't tell anyone what God has asked him to do. Not even his wife. God gave him this mission. He doesn't prepare. He doesn't throw a going away party. He loads up Isaac, some firewood, some matches and heads out. It is several days journey to the mountain where he is supposed to offer up Isaac. Along the way, Isaac says, 'Hey Dad? I noticed that you brought the wood and the matches, but didn't you forget an essential piece? Where's the ram? What are we going to put on the alter?' Abraham looks at his son and calmly replies, 'God Himself will provide'.
In that sentence I feel like Abraham had made his choice. He had already prepared his heart to lay Isaac down. To forfeit his son for God's blessing. Whether he meant that God would provide a proxy or if he meant that God would provide for him in his sorrow. He was at peace with obeying God.
Abraham went on to build the altar and tie Isaac up, lay him on the altar and raise his knife to kill his son, when an angel of the Lord spoke to him and stopped him. Abraham was blessed by God that day - he was promised that the world would be populated more than the stars in the sky, more than the sand on seashore by his descendants. He laid it all on the line and was rewarded a million times over.
God said that since Abraham did not withhold anything from Him, He would not withhold anything from him.
I have been asking myself today, what have I been withholding from God? Am I totally surrendered to Him? Have I taken MY Isaac and laid it up on the altar and been willing to lose it all??? Because honestly, what do we gain by counting on ourselves and not God?
Mark 8:36 (KJV)
Have you ever had a bad day? Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt utterly alone? If you were able to watch yourself and your day unfold, it would seem as if everything was great. But inside, you are screaming- Doesn't anyone see? Don't you all get it? Am I the only one???
That was me yesterday. And if you happened to see me yesterday, I doubt that you picked up on my feelings. I hope that you didn't, in fact. Yesterday was a beautiful day, filled with laughter, fun times, and wonderful friends. And that is precisely why I was hurting so much inside. I have been dealing with some things personally and all of the happiness yesterday illuminated to me how hollow I have allowed myself to become. It made me LONG for something more.
I think that most people know what they don't want, but not enough people know exactly what they DO want. They know they don't want to lose, but they don't know how to win...yesterday this smacked me in the face repeatedly...like seriously, over and over and over. I actually woke up this morning and looked in the mirror for the bruises.
Last night I cried out to the Lord and asked Him, "How much longer must I stay in this place? What am I missing so that I can move on? How much pain must I endure before You relieve me?"
Silence.
I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep. I woke up with a tear streaked face and swollen eyes. With a broken and heavy heart. I asked again, "What am I missing? Is this really what You have planned for my life!?"
I went to church and tried to pray. Tried to hear God. Tried to make sense of this wilderness that I am in. I sang and prayed and took notes on the message. AND FELT NOTHING. Heard nothing. I felt even more alone than before. And then with only moments of the service left, I heard Him answer me. "Worship me. Keep seeking Me. Surrender."
But it was on my way home that I got my answer. Whispered to my heart. "Lay your Isaac down."
BOOM
I was not ready for that. I mean I honestly thought I had surrendered. Everything. I thought I had let go of controlling my situation. But in that instant, I realized I didn't have the faith that Abraham had up on that mountain. What if I was blocking my own blessing??
Journey with me for a minute to Genesis:
God promises Abram and Sarai children. They are old. Sarai is barren. They trust in God's promise...for a little while. And then they start trying to "help" God out. Abram has a son by Sarai's servant. It causes serious strife in the household, as you might imagine. God does in fact bless Sarah and Abraham with a child. He calls them by new names. Isaac is their son. He is the culmination of a covenant between them and God. Can you imagine waiting years and years and years for God to move on His promise? The joy! The peace! The fulfillment! God said He would and He did.
Ahhhhhhh....the end right? Nope. Let's look at Genesis 22. God called to Abraham and said 'You remember that child that you and Sarah waited 25 years for? I want him back. Go up on that mountain and build an altar and offer up the joy of your heart, your beloved son, the THING I have promised to you. Give it back to me. Lay your Isaac down.'
Can you imagine? God asked Abraham to show his love by sacrificing his only son. God had asked Abraham to trust Him before and Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands. They tried to 'help' God out. So now He has come back and asked for total trust and surrender. What would Abraham do? What would you do? What would I do?
Abraham departs immediately. What's interesting to me is that he doesn't tell anyone what God has asked him to do. Not even his wife. God gave him this mission. He doesn't prepare. He doesn't throw a going away party. He loads up Isaac, some firewood, some matches and heads out. It is several days journey to the mountain where he is supposed to offer up Isaac. Along the way, Isaac says, 'Hey Dad? I noticed that you brought the wood and the matches, but didn't you forget an essential piece? Where's the ram? What are we going to put on the alter?' Abraham looks at his son and calmly replies, 'God Himself will provide'.
In that sentence I feel like Abraham had made his choice. He had already prepared his heart to lay Isaac down. To forfeit his son for God's blessing. Whether he meant that God would provide a proxy or if he meant that God would provide for him in his sorrow. He was at peace with obeying God.
Abraham went on to build the altar and tie Isaac up, lay him on the altar and raise his knife to kill his son, when an angel of the Lord spoke to him and stopped him. Abraham was blessed by God that day - he was promised that the world would be populated more than the stars in the sky, more than the sand on seashore by his descendants. He laid it all on the line and was rewarded a million times over.
God said that since Abraham did not withhold anything from Him, He would not withhold anything from him.
I have been asking myself today, what have I been withholding from God? Am I totally surrendered to Him? Have I taken MY Isaac and laid it up on the altar and been willing to lose it all??? Because honestly, what do we gain by counting on ourselves and not God?
Mark 8:36 (KJV)
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
What is your Isaac, dear friend? What have you been holding on to sooo tightly that God can't get in there and move and bring about the blessing?
For me, I know what my Isaac is. It is not the time to reveal it now. I know God will move in my life. He will not leave me or forsake me (Heb 13:5). He has an appointed time for me. He is never late or 'just in the knick of time.' He is ALWAYS right on time (Hab 2:3). So until that appointed time, I will surrender. I will worship. I will be the hand of hope. I will grow. I will be allow myself to be broken so that I may be made whole.
I pray today that you may be able to lay your Isaac down. That together we might take this step of faith. For what we give to God will come back 30, 60, even 100-fold (Matt 13:23). I believe the God of 100-fold.
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Perfect Pumpkins
Ever feel like a pumpkin? I mean, for real? I do!
Growing up, my family never "celebrated" Halloween, so I am new to all of this pumpkin carving, costume wearing, candy eating extravagance.
So here it how it is going down: First, we went through three different costume attempts before we found one that Gideon would wear. Dude, seriously, you are not even TWO yet!!! How can you have such clothing preferences?? I love it though - he is his own man already.
Then, we had to find the perfect pumpkin. We currently have 3, and I am told that we still need another! We have one teeny, tiny one that is simply for decoration (I think it is more of a gourd actually, but who am I to judge??). We have one medium size one that I got for Gideon to actually decorate himself. And then we have a big one that Babe is supposed to carve. We bought special carving tools - again, I am new to all of this, so it's not like I have this stuff just lying around! We bought Sesame Street templates, so that our carved pumpkin can be Elmo, Ernie, Cookie, or Oscar...
And now Babe tells me that the shape is wrong for the templates. It would seem that I bought us a very round and fat one, and what we in fact need is a taller and skinnier one. Shocking, I know...taller and thinner...hhhmmmmph.
So now, we take this PERFECT pumpkin, and what do we do? We cut it open and scoop its guts out. We carve everything out of it and then rinse it in a solution to keep it from rotting. We carve a mask onto the front of it and then put the top back on. Our 'perfect' pumpkin wasn't so perfect as it turns out.
Let's look at this a bit more closely - because I personally feel like I can feel this poor pumpkin's pain.
All a pumpkin knows is to grow on its vine. And then one day a (hopefully) nice family comes along and chooses it. Compares it to all the other pumpkins and falls in love with it and takes it home. The pumpkin must feel so elated! So thrilled! Now, life will begin! But, what's this??? A knife?? The people that professed to love it the most cut it. TO THE CORE. In fact, not only do they cut it open, they scoop everything out, leaving the pumpkin empty and hollow.
Ouch.
Didn't see that one coming...
But there's more. Now they rinse the bruised flesh with a solution that will keep it from rotting. It burns. It smells. It isn't pleasant. Will this torture ever end?
Then comes the transformation. Delicate knives and picks begin to slowly chip away at the surface of the pumpkin, methodically changing it's very being into something else. The pumpkin is gone, replaced with Elmo, or a crooked grin, or a flag, or a message. Finally, a candle is placed inside the hollowed-out, sanitized, reconstructioned pumpkin. The top is placed back on and as the suns sets and darkness sets in, the light burns brightly through the transformed pumpkin. Lighting a dark walkway. Bringing joy to children. Summoning a new season. Finally, the transformation is complete. Gone is the pumpkin. But, better yet, in its place, a beautiful, glowing jack-o-lantern.
Don't we all start out 'perfect' and incomplete? Aren't we all chosen? Don't we all get caught unawares at some point and have the lid of our 'perfect' lives blown off? Haven't we all been hollowed out and left empty? Haven't we all come dangerously close to letting rotten things penetrate our very souls and beings? Haven't we all worn a mask at some point?
But - and this is ALL on us - BUT don't we all have a light flickering inside us? Wanting to bust through - TO SHINE out as a beacon of joy and hope? To help guide others on their journey in the darkness?
God has chosen all of us. He has made us all in His image. He allows us to be transformed. To go through the process. Because what is the alternative? To wither and rot in the field?
Tonight, as I look at our plethora of pumpkins, I am encouraged that God loved me enough to scoop out everything in me that is rotten, rinse and cleanse me, carve a beautiful image upon me, and set a light inside me that will never burn out.
Isaiah 48:10-11a
(AMP)
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I do it [I refrain and do not utterly destroy you];
Ephesians 5:8-14
(CEB)
8 You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord, so live your life as children of light. 9 Light produces fruit that consists of every sort of goodness, justice, and truth. 10 Therefore, test everything to see what’s pleasing to the Lord, 11 and don’t participate in the unfruitful actions of darkness. Instead, you should reveal the truth about them. 12 It’s embarrassing to even talk about what certain persons do in secret. 13 But everything exposed to the light is revealed by the light. 14 Everything that is revealed by the light is light. Therefore, it says, Wake up, sleeper![a] Get up from the dead,[b] and Christ will shine on you
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...
Growing up, my family never "celebrated" Halloween, so I am new to all of this pumpkin carving, costume wearing, candy eating extravagance.
So here it how it is going down: First, we went through three different costume attempts before we found one that Gideon would wear. Dude, seriously, you are not even TWO yet!!! How can you have such clothing preferences?? I love it though - he is his own man already.
Then, we had to find the perfect pumpkin. We currently have 3, and I am told that we still need another! We have one teeny, tiny one that is simply for decoration (I think it is more of a gourd actually, but who am I to judge??). We have one medium size one that I got for Gideon to actually decorate himself. And then we have a big one that Babe is supposed to carve. We bought special carving tools - again, I am new to all of this, so it's not like I have this stuff just lying around! We bought Sesame Street templates, so that our carved pumpkin can be Elmo, Ernie, Cookie, or Oscar...
And now Babe tells me that the shape is wrong for the templates. It would seem that I bought us a very round and fat one, and what we in fact need is a taller and skinnier one. Shocking, I know...taller and thinner...hhhmmmmph.
So now, we take this PERFECT pumpkin, and what do we do? We cut it open and scoop its guts out. We carve everything out of it and then rinse it in a solution to keep it from rotting. We carve a mask onto the front of it and then put the top back on. Our 'perfect' pumpkin wasn't so perfect as it turns out.
Let's look at this a bit more closely - because I personally feel like I can feel this poor pumpkin's pain.
All a pumpkin knows is to grow on its vine. And then one day a (hopefully) nice family comes along and chooses it. Compares it to all the other pumpkins and falls in love with it and takes it home. The pumpkin must feel so elated! So thrilled! Now, life will begin! But, what's this??? A knife?? The people that professed to love it the most cut it. TO THE CORE. In fact, not only do they cut it open, they scoop everything out, leaving the pumpkin empty and hollow.
Ouch.
Didn't see that one coming...
But there's more. Now they rinse the bruised flesh with a solution that will keep it from rotting. It burns. It smells. It isn't pleasant. Will this torture ever end?
Then comes the transformation. Delicate knives and picks begin to slowly chip away at the surface of the pumpkin, methodically changing it's very being into something else. The pumpkin is gone, replaced with Elmo, or a crooked grin, or a flag, or a message. Finally, a candle is placed inside the hollowed-out, sanitized, reconstructioned pumpkin. The top is placed back on and as the suns sets and darkness sets in, the light burns brightly through the transformed pumpkin. Lighting a dark walkway. Bringing joy to children. Summoning a new season. Finally, the transformation is complete. Gone is the pumpkin. But, better yet, in its place, a beautiful, glowing jack-o-lantern.
Don't we all start out 'perfect' and incomplete? Aren't we all chosen? Don't we all get caught unawares at some point and have the lid of our 'perfect' lives blown off? Haven't we all been hollowed out and left empty? Haven't we all come dangerously close to letting rotten things penetrate our very souls and beings? Haven't we all worn a mask at some point?
But - and this is ALL on us - BUT don't we all have a light flickering inside us? Wanting to bust through - TO SHINE out as a beacon of joy and hope? To help guide others on their journey in the darkness?
God has chosen all of us. He has made us all in His image. He allows us to be transformed. To go through the process. Because what is the alternative? To wither and rot in the field?
Tonight, as I look at our plethora of pumpkins, I am encouraged that God loved me enough to scoop out everything in me that is rotten, rinse and cleanse me, carve a beautiful image upon me, and set a light inside me that will never burn out.
Isaiah 48:10-11a
(AMP)
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I do it [I refrain and do not utterly destroy you];
Ephesians 5:8-14
(CEB)
8 You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord, so live your life as children of light. 9 Light produces fruit that consists of every sort of goodness, justice, and truth. 10 Therefore, test everything to see what’s pleasing to the Lord, 11 and don’t participate in the unfruitful actions of darkness. Instead, you should reveal the truth about them. 12 It’s embarrassing to even talk about what certain persons do in secret. 13 But everything exposed to the light is revealed by the light. 14 Everything that is revealed by the light is light. Therefore, it says, Wake up, sleeper![a] Get up from the dead,[b] and Christ will shine on you
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...
Monday, October 8, 2012
Mama Superman
"Mama's here"
I am in the kitchen making supper and I hear Gideon talking to himself in the living room. I go to the door and peek in to see what he is doing. He has pulled all the couch cushions down onto the floor and is climbing up on them and then sliding down. As he is climbing up the unsteady cushions to reach the pinnacle, he mumbles to himself, "Mama's here, Mama's here."
I smile and walk back into the kitchen.
The next morning, Gideon is sitting in the living room trying to put his shoes on while I pack his lunch. I hear him struggle with his task, but then I hear, "Mama proud you. Good job". He still doesn't have his shoes on, but he is cheering himself on.
At supper that night, he drops his fork full of food onto the newly mopped floor and looks at me so sad and then shakes his head and smiles. He pats me on the arm and says, "No worries Mama".
As we are getting ready for bed, he wants to tell me what all the animals say. We go through cow, horsey, chicken, rooster, cat, dog, puppy (yes there is apparently a difference!), duck, sheep, elephant, tiger, snake, dinosaur, and pirate (this is one of my favorites - arrgggh!). Just for fun, I ask him 'What does Mama say?' He looks me in the eye and says, "Love you, Gideon". My heart just melted!!
Today, it was cold, rainy, dreary, and I was feeling a little bit like the weather. Nothing was really wrong, but I just couldn't shake this feeling of blah. Tell me you have been there...I was tired. Like bone-weary tired. I looked in the mirror and didn't like my hair. Didn't like my outfit. Looked in my fridge and didn't want to cook. Looked at the piles of laundry and messy room strewn with toys and felt like a failure. Snapped at my husband and felt like a mean wife. Watched my son go to daycare when all I wanted was to stay home and snuggle and felt like a rotten mother. Got to work and my heart just wasn't in it and I felt like a lousy teacher. This is how my day started and this is how it progressed....
I tried to snap myself out of it. I listened to uplifting praise music. I sang. I prayed. I called Babe and apologized. I faked it all day at work. But in my head, all I heard was 'You failed. You aren't enough. Gideon and Babe deserve better. Why can't you do these simple things right???"
I picked Gideon up from his sitter and we had a relaxing evening together. As I was sitting on the floor playing with him, he came over to me and said, "Mama Superman" and then hugged me. He went back to playing, not realizing the BOMBshell he had just set off in my spirit.
All of a sudden, I flashed back to the messages that I give to him:
- when he is unsure, "Mama's here".
- when he makes a mess or a mistake, "No worries".
- when he is overcoming an obstacle, "Mama proud you. Good job!".
And most important of all, when he thinks of me, he KNOWS Mama loves Gideon. "Love you Gideon" is what Mama says, as much as 'meow' is what a cat says. That is the legacy that I am leaving my son. He doesn't care about all the rest! He is confident in the truth that I love him, I am proud of him, I am always there for him, and his 'mistakes' aren't permanent.
In that moment of knowing that my son saw me as Superman, I realized the voice playing in Gideon's and my head were the same - mine. Only what he heard was FAR different from what I heard. I determined in that moment, to only listen to the voice of my Father. Because, doesn't He tell me that He will never leave me or forsake me? Doesn't He tell me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me? Doesn't He tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made? Didn't He love me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me?
I may have dark days again, but I am confident in this:
I am in the kitchen making supper and I hear Gideon talking to himself in the living room. I go to the door and peek in to see what he is doing. He has pulled all the couch cushions down onto the floor and is climbing up on them and then sliding down. As he is climbing up the unsteady cushions to reach the pinnacle, he mumbles to himself, "Mama's here, Mama's here."
I smile and walk back into the kitchen.
The next morning, Gideon is sitting in the living room trying to put his shoes on while I pack his lunch. I hear him struggle with his task, but then I hear, "Mama proud you. Good job". He still doesn't have his shoes on, but he is cheering himself on.
At supper that night, he drops his fork full of food onto the newly mopped floor and looks at me so sad and then shakes his head and smiles. He pats me on the arm and says, "No worries Mama".
As we are getting ready for bed, he wants to tell me what all the animals say. We go through cow, horsey, chicken, rooster, cat, dog, puppy (yes there is apparently a difference!), duck, sheep, elephant, tiger, snake, dinosaur, and pirate (this is one of my favorites - arrgggh!). Just for fun, I ask him 'What does Mama say?' He looks me in the eye and says, "Love you, Gideon". My heart just melted!!
Today, it was cold, rainy, dreary, and I was feeling a little bit like the weather. Nothing was really wrong, but I just couldn't shake this feeling of blah. Tell me you have been there...I was tired. Like bone-weary tired. I looked in the mirror and didn't like my hair. Didn't like my outfit. Looked in my fridge and didn't want to cook. Looked at the piles of laundry and messy room strewn with toys and felt like a failure. Snapped at my husband and felt like a mean wife. Watched my son go to daycare when all I wanted was to stay home and snuggle and felt like a rotten mother. Got to work and my heart just wasn't in it and I felt like a lousy teacher. This is how my day started and this is how it progressed....
I tried to snap myself out of it. I listened to uplifting praise music. I sang. I prayed. I called Babe and apologized. I faked it all day at work. But in my head, all I heard was 'You failed. You aren't enough. Gideon and Babe deserve better. Why can't you do these simple things right???"
I picked Gideon up from his sitter and we had a relaxing evening together. As I was sitting on the floor playing with him, he came over to me and said, "Mama Superman" and then hugged me. He went back to playing, not realizing the BOMBshell he had just set off in my spirit.
All of a sudden, I flashed back to the messages that I give to him:
- when he is unsure, "Mama's here".
- when he makes a mess or a mistake, "No worries".
- when he is overcoming an obstacle, "Mama proud you. Good job!".
And most important of all, when he thinks of me, he KNOWS Mama loves Gideon. "Love you Gideon" is what Mama says, as much as 'meow' is what a cat says. That is the legacy that I am leaving my son. He doesn't care about all the rest! He is confident in the truth that I love him, I am proud of him, I am always there for him, and his 'mistakes' aren't permanent.
In that moment of knowing that my son saw me as Superman, I realized the voice playing in Gideon's and my head were the same - mine. Only what he heard was FAR different from what I heard. I determined in that moment, to only listen to the voice of my Father. Because, doesn't He tell me that He will never leave me or forsake me? Doesn't He tell me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me? Doesn't He tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made? Didn't He love me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me?
I may have dark days again, but I am confident in this:
Psalm 23
New King James Version (NKJV)
The Lord the Shepherd of His People
A Psalm of David.
23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Mama Parkle!
"Mama parkle! Mama george-us!" Translation - 'Mama sparkle! Mama gorgeous!'
Having a child with a sweet spirit like Gideon's is like having your very own cheering squad. In his almost two years of life, I don't think I have ever fallen short in his eyes. I am larger than life. I am 'george-us'. I 'parkle'. My kisses heal boo-boos. My embrace quiets tantrums and calms fears. My body was his home and he nursed at my breast. I gave him LIFE. He loves me so....
This particular night, I am trying on clothes, getting ready to go to a meeting. As a mama and preschool teacher, I don't often dress "up". I fix my hair and put on make-up everyday. I am presentable. But I don't always 'sparkle'. My everyday life doesn't call for sparkle.
But tonight, I am going to be talking in front of a group of people. I try on several shirts, not aware that Gideon is watching my every move. The first shirt is a light pink tank top, covered in sequins. The next one is grey with ruching, and the third is teal. I try them all on with my skirt and then with a jacket. I decide on the grey shirt and sit down to put my heels on.
Suddenly, Gideon, who has been playing quietly, says "NO NO NO Mama!". He brings me the pink sequined tank and hands it to me and says, "Mama parkle". So I slip into it and turn to him. "Is this what you want honey?"
Gideon hugs my leg and looks up at me and says, "Mama parkle. Mama george-us!"
My heart melts and tears spring to my eyes.
Isn't this the cry of all of our hearts? To know that we are SEEN. That we are beautiful. What a precious gift my son gave me that night. In the wear and tear of day to day, I was forgetting my sparkle.
I was made to sparkle. To stand out. To SHINE. It is my duty and honor to sparkle for my son. To be his light. To reflect His Light.
Having a child with a sweet spirit like Gideon's is like having your very own cheering squad. In his almost two years of life, I don't think I have ever fallen short in his eyes. I am larger than life. I am 'george-us'. I 'parkle'. My kisses heal boo-boos. My embrace quiets tantrums and calms fears. My body was his home and he nursed at my breast. I gave him LIFE. He loves me so....
This particular night, I am trying on clothes, getting ready to go to a meeting. As a mama and preschool teacher, I don't often dress "up". I fix my hair and put on make-up everyday. I am presentable. But I don't always 'sparkle'. My everyday life doesn't call for sparkle.
But tonight, I am going to be talking in front of a group of people. I try on several shirts, not aware that Gideon is watching my every move. The first shirt is a light pink tank top, covered in sequins. The next one is grey with ruching, and the third is teal. I try them all on with my skirt and then with a jacket. I decide on the grey shirt and sit down to put my heels on.
Suddenly, Gideon, who has been playing quietly, says "NO NO NO Mama!". He brings me the pink sequined tank and hands it to me and says, "Mama parkle". So I slip into it and turn to him. "Is this what you want honey?"
Gideon hugs my leg and looks up at me and says, "Mama parkle. Mama george-us!"
My heart melts and tears spring to my eyes.
Isn't this the cry of all of our hearts? To know that we are SEEN. That we are beautiful. What a precious gift my son gave me that night. In the wear and tear of day to day, I was forgetting my sparkle.
I was made to sparkle. To stand out. To SHINE. It is my duty and honor to sparkle for my son. To be his light. To reflect His Light.
1 Peter 3:4
GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)
4 Rather, beauty is something internal that can’t be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious.
Proverbs 31:28-30
AMP
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],29 Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.30 Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
Thank you Lord, for giving me just enough light for this step...
Proverbs 31:28-30
AMP
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],29 Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.30 Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
Thank you Lord, for giving me just enough light for this step...
Monday, September 17, 2012
Falling Into Rest
Tonight while reading "Goodnight Moon" for the 12th time, I noticed that Gideon kept pointing to this one particular picture that was black and white and saying, "blue, red, blue, red". I couldn't figure out why he was determined that these 3 little bears sitting in chairs were blue and red, when clearly they were black and white. However, on the 13th time reading the story, I realized that on the first page of the book, there were those bears in full color. And wouldn't you know it - they were indeed blue and red.
I honestly can't tell you how many times I have read that book and I never paid any attention to the color of the bears, because it didn't seem like an important part of the story. And yet it was very important to Gideon. He not only noticed their original color, but he noticed when the color was lacking.
Perhaps this 'minor' detail would've remained just that to me if only I hadn't fallen...
Over the weekend, Gideon and I went to the park (as we often do) and while there, a young girl of about 4 fell from the top of a slide, about 10-12 feet off the ground. I saw her getting way to close to the edge and looked around for her parents. Not seeing them, I began walking toward her and telling her to back up. But alas, she stepped over the side into nothingness and was dangling within seconds. I sprinted the rest of the way to her and managed to get under her just as she let go and fell. I caught her and set her on the ground, relieved that she was unharmed, but ANGRY that her parents were nowhere to be found! Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I looked around again for her parents. She ran off to play again, totally unaware of the danger that she had just been in.
As well as I understand that no one can be everywhere at once, I was angry that her parents were no where to be found! I mean - COME ON! Anyway, Gideon and I stayed a little longer and then we headed out.
Yesterday, I found myself recounting this story to a friend as we were talking about raising toddlers. Her daughter is very adventurous and requires a higher level of alert than Gideon. So, standing in my kitchen, I demonstrate how I caught this little girl. The only difference was that this time, I stepped on a baking sheet that Gideon had been playing drums on. My right leg shot out, my left leg flew up and I did the most commplete split of my entire life. And then I fell over onto my butt. It felt like it was happening is slow motion and according to my friend, it was very graceful.
But it hurt. A lot. Right away. And I have a pretty high pain threshold, but ouch! I knew that it wasn't good. I laid down when Gideon took his nap about an hour later, hoping that if I rested a little I would be good as new. Not so much. I tried stretching and yoga and even some pain medicine, but it just seemed to get worse as time passed.
When my alarm went off this morning, I knew I wasn't going to be able to move. Oh it was BAD. I forced myself up and got in the shower, still hoping that my sore, stiff muscles would relax and I would be ok. But I almost threw up trying to dry off and getting dressed nearly sent me over the edge.
I called my chiropractor as soon as his office opened and made an appointment. It was pretty bad he said. Rest, ice and anti-inflammatories. And come back on Wednesday. So home I went. I walked in the house - which looked like it had been hit by a tornado, because I hadn't straightened up after our playdate yesterday. The dishes weren't done from the night before, laundry needed to be folded, the bed wasn't made....*sigh*
I thought about doing a quick clean and then I moved. And remembered. I HURT. So, I grabbed 2 ibuprofen, some water, and an ice pack and made my way to the couch. I got situated and turned on the TV. It was 10:00 on the dot. I flipped through a few channels and found an episode of Joyce Meyer. Today her show was her Annual Report. I almost changed the channel. But then she sid something that spoke straight to my heart. She was talking about how her ministry had expanded in the face of incredible adversity. She had been ready to quit pushing ahead and God reminded her to "not grow weary in well-doing, for IN DUE TIME, you will reap".
Oh, God, You always find a way to get Your message across! I have been going through some stuff - haven't we all?? And I am guilty of growing weary. Sometimes it seems like you're the only person doing the right thing and that it isn't getting you anywhere. Wouldn't it just be easier to throw in the towel and quit? Stop doing the right thing? Stop pressing on and pressing in?
Aren't we all a little guilty of striving? Fixing? We trust God to get us where we're going, but we try to help Him out. We try to take shortcuts or figure it out on our own. We ask for signs and then interpret everything to mean what we want it to mean. We grow weary...but are we resting? I mean properly, resting? Do we sit still enough to know what God's will is for us? Or are we so full steam ahead that we miss the small still Voice? Do we set off on a path that we determine and then expect God to follow us??? WHOA
Am I glad that I fell and hurt my back? Not at all. It still hurts like the dickens. I would love nothing more than to get up off the couch and be free from pain. But what I know is God allowed me to slow down long enough to get my attention. To remind me that He is in everything and that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He has (notice the past tense here!!!) the victory and we are ONLY required to remain focused and steadfast on our journey. He never asks us to accomplish it in a certain amount of time, He only asks us to not grow weary.
He wants us to see the color in our stories. Sometimes we simply scan our environment and overlook the details that make up part of our story. And no one's story is the same. I can't tell yours and you can't tell mine. I need your story. You might need mine. But need to stay rested and focused so that we don't miss the 'red, blue' and all the many other colors and details.
And when we do get a little weary, that is ok. He wants to give us rest. He will re-invigorate us and set us back on the right path. But first we must be willing to rest and follow.
Exodus 33:14 (NIV)
The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
I honestly can't tell you how many times I have read that book and I never paid any attention to the color of the bears, because it didn't seem like an important part of the story. And yet it was very important to Gideon. He not only noticed their original color, but he noticed when the color was lacking.
Perhaps this 'minor' detail would've remained just that to me if only I hadn't fallen...
Over the weekend, Gideon and I went to the park (as we often do) and while there, a young girl of about 4 fell from the top of a slide, about 10-12 feet off the ground. I saw her getting way to close to the edge and looked around for her parents. Not seeing them, I began walking toward her and telling her to back up. But alas, she stepped over the side into nothingness and was dangling within seconds. I sprinted the rest of the way to her and managed to get under her just as she let go and fell. I caught her and set her on the ground, relieved that she was unharmed, but ANGRY that her parents were nowhere to be found! Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I looked around again for her parents. She ran off to play again, totally unaware of the danger that she had just been in.
As well as I understand that no one can be everywhere at once, I was angry that her parents were no where to be found! I mean - COME ON! Anyway, Gideon and I stayed a little longer and then we headed out.
Yesterday, I found myself recounting this story to a friend as we were talking about raising toddlers. Her daughter is very adventurous and requires a higher level of alert than Gideon. So, standing in my kitchen, I demonstrate how I caught this little girl. The only difference was that this time, I stepped on a baking sheet that Gideon had been playing drums on. My right leg shot out, my left leg flew up and I did the most commplete split of my entire life. And then I fell over onto my butt. It felt like it was happening is slow motion and according to my friend, it was very graceful.
But it hurt. A lot. Right away. And I have a pretty high pain threshold, but ouch! I knew that it wasn't good. I laid down when Gideon took his nap about an hour later, hoping that if I rested a little I would be good as new. Not so much. I tried stretching and yoga and even some pain medicine, but it just seemed to get worse as time passed.
When my alarm went off this morning, I knew I wasn't going to be able to move. Oh it was BAD. I forced myself up and got in the shower, still hoping that my sore, stiff muscles would relax and I would be ok. But I almost threw up trying to dry off and getting dressed nearly sent me over the edge.
I called my chiropractor as soon as his office opened and made an appointment. It was pretty bad he said. Rest, ice and anti-inflammatories. And come back on Wednesday. So home I went. I walked in the house - which looked like it had been hit by a tornado, because I hadn't straightened up after our playdate yesterday. The dishes weren't done from the night before, laundry needed to be folded, the bed wasn't made....*sigh*
I thought about doing a quick clean and then I moved. And remembered. I HURT. So, I grabbed 2 ibuprofen, some water, and an ice pack and made my way to the couch. I got situated and turned on the TV. It was 10:00 on the dot. I flipped through a few channels and found an episode of Joyce Meyer. Today her show was her Annual Report. I almost changed the channel. But then she sid something that spoke straight to my heart. She was talking about how her ministry had expanded in the face of incredible adversity. She had been ready to quit pushing ahead and God reminded her to "not grow weary in well-doing, for IN DUE TIME, you will reap".
Oh, God, You always find a way to get Your message across! I have been going through some stuff - haven't we all?? And I am guilty of growing weary. Sometimes it seems like you're the only person doing the right thing and that it isn't getting you anywhere. Wouldn't it just be easier to throw in the towel and quit? Stop doing the right thing? Stop pressing on and pressing in?
Aren't we all a little guilty of striving? Fixing? We trust God to get us where we're going, but we try to help Him out. We try to take shortcuts or figure it out on our own. We ask for signs and then interpret everything to mean what we want it to mean. We grow weary...but are we resting? I mean properly, resting? Do we sit still enough to know what God's will is for us? Or are we so full steam ahead that we miss the small still Voice? Do we set off on a path that we determine and then expect God to follow us??? WHOA
Am I glad that I fell and hurt my back? Not at all. It still hurts like the dickens. I would love nothing more than to get up off the couch and be free from pain. But what I know is God allowed me to slow down long enough to get my attention. To remind me that He is in everything and that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He has (notice the past tense here!!!) the victory and we are ONLY required to remain focused and steadfast on our journey. He never asks us to accomplish it in a certain amount of time, He only asks us to not grow weary.
He wants us to see the color in our stories. Sometimes we simply scan our environment and overlook the details that make up part of our story. And no one's story is the same. I can't tell yours and you can't tell mine. I need your story. You might need mine. But need to stay rested and focused so that we don't miss the 'red, blue' and all the many other colors and details.
And when we do get a little weary, that is ok. He wants to give us rest. He will re-invigorate us and set us back on the right path. But first we must be willing to rest and follow.
Exodus 33:14 (NIV)
The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Galatians 6:9
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Thank you Lord, for just enough light for this step...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Up Mama!!
"Mama! Maaamaaa! MAMA!!!!! MMMMAAAAAMMMMMMAAAA"
There is a strict no whining rule in our house, but it is one that has to be constantly enforced. At almost 2, whining tends to come with the territory, and nipping that vicious little habit is a daily battle. A battle that begins at dawn and wages until bedtime. And I should mention that Gideon is a pretty happy little human and not really a whiner at all...but it just happens. Alot.
As a teacher, I am just recently back to work and Gideon does not enjoy the separation. Some days he handles it better than others, giving me 'mooches' and trotting to the door, eating his cereal bar and chirping about seeing his friends at the sitter. Other days he begs me not to go and screams and claws at my clothes and desparately cries, "NO Mama! No work! Home Gideon." It crushes my soul. It slices me open and makes me want to slide down to the floor and sob and hold him and never let go. Instead, smiling a sad smile, fighting tears, choking on the lump in my throat, I kiss his sweet face, wipe his tears and softly promise that after work I will pick him up and we will play. I tell him that I love him and that he is reason for everything that I do. And I say 'Mama loves you so much. Have a good day big boy. Mama is proud of you.' And I close my eyes and walk away. His cries echoing in my mind and haunting me all day. It pushes me. It moves me. It DRIVES me. To matter. To make a difference. To make the time I am spending away from him count for something. Because that is the only way I can justify the daily torment.
But I digress....
Due to our forced separtion, Gideon wants ALL of my attention when we are together. And if I am home, we are TOGETHER. In the bathroom. In the kitchen. On the couch. Playing, talking, reading, making memories. And as much as I love him and love the bond we have, sometimes I need to turn my attention to something other than Gideon *GASP*. I know right! Don't tell him that, he wouldn't understand.
In all honesty, he really doesn't understand. "Up Mama!" "Want Mama!" "Mama carry you" "Pweez Mama" While these phrases are precious and heartwarming, when you are up to your elbows in chopping vegetables, cooking chicken, keeping an eye on the oven and responding to emails/text messages/voicemails, all while singing 'Elmo's World', it is super tricky to hold a squirmy toddler that wants to "hep you Mama".
And so it begins....innocently enough.
"Up Mama!"
"Hold on honey"
"Uuuuppp Mama!"
"Patience, Gideon. Mama will pick you up in a minute."
"Payshence. No Mama."
"Gideon, Mama is cooking supper. It's HOT. Wait a minute."
"Not hold on. Suuuuuppppppper." Feet beginning to stomp and whining now in full force.
At this point I stop everything that I am doing, squat down to look him in the eye and say, "Gideon. No whining. Mama can't pick you up yet. You need to have patience. Thank you. Let's go color until Mama is finished."
Now he is shaking his head, climbing up my leg and his voice is getting higher pitched.
"No colors! Uuuuuuupppppppp Mama!!! No payshence. No supper!"
Being the good preschool teacher that I am, I ignore this escalation. He plops down on the floor and begins to have a good old-fashioned tantrum. I sigh, but know if I can ignore it for another minute or two the worst of it will be over and supper will be ready.
But my mama's heart hates seeing my heart and soul sad, so I give the rice a stir, peek in the oven and whisper in Gideon's ear, "As soon as you stop crying, I can pick you up. Mama can't hold you if you are whining. This is a no whining house. I love you. Show Mama patience. Thank you."
His tired, hungry and sad eyes lock onto mine and he KNOWS. The sobs become softer and he sits up. He rubs the tears off of his cheeks and says, "No whine-n. Payshence Mama. Ok."
And I pick him up and hug him and tell him I love him and all is right with the world.
Sometimes I am so jealous of children because while it's not necessarily acceptable behavior, it is understandable. There have been so many times that I have wanted to have a total meltdown and scream at the world "NO PATIENCE! Some one pick me up NOW!"
But just as Gideon doesn't see the bigger picture that Mama can't pick him up because knives are dangerous and the stove is hot and I only have 2 hands, someimes I don't see the bigger picture in my life. I want to be rescued, picked up and hugged and kissed and all my problems solved - in an instant.
But oooohhhhh, it's not that simple. The lesson that I am trying to teach Gideon is patience. To self soothe. To understand that Mama is always there and always looking out for him, even when he doesn't understand. Even when all he wants is to be picked up.
Isn't that that same lesson I am still learning? Isn't that what my Heavenly Father wants me to realize? That He can see the bigger picture and He knows all the variables and the outcome and He wants me to trust Him and learn patience. To be content in the meantime. Ah, the meantime. Ever notice it isn't called the 'nicetime'?
Every minor inconvenience is really a salvation. It is an opportunity to grow. To learn patience. To lean on His Everlasting Arms. And yes, I believe that He appreciates it when we reach our arms up to Him and say "Up Daddy". But He must also smile when we choose to maintain a cheerful attitude, not whine, and hone our patience until He is able to pick us up.
There is a strict no whining rule in our house, but it is one that has to be constantly enforced. At almost 2, whining tends to come with the territory, and nipping that vicious little habit is a daily battle. A battle that begins at dawn and wages until bedtime. And I should mention that Gideon is a pretty happy little human and not really a whiner at all...but it just happens. Alot.
As a teacher, I am just recently back to work and Gideon does not enjoy the separation. Some days he handles it better than others, giving me 'mooches' and trotting to the door, eating his cereal bar and chirping about seeing his friends at the sitter. Other days he begs me not to go and screams and claws at my clothes and desparately cries, "NO Mama! No work! Home Gideon." It crushes my soul. It slices me open and makes me want to slide down to the floor and sob and hold him and never let go. Instead, smiling a sad smile, fighting tears, choking on the lump in my throat, I kiss his sweet face, wipe his tears and softly promise that after work I will pick him up and we will play. I tell him that I love him and that he is reason for everything that I do. And I say 'Mama loves you so much. Have a good day big boy. Mama is proud of you.' And I close my eyes and walk away. His cries echoing in my mind and haunting me all day. It pushes me. It moves me. It DRIVES me. To matter. To make a difference. To make the time I am spending away from him count for something. Because that is the only way I can justify the daily torment.
But I digress....
Due to our forced separtion, Gideon wants ALL of my attention when we are together. And if I am home, we are TOGETHER. In the bathroom. In the kitchen. On the couch. Playing, talking, reading, making memories. And as much as I love him and love the bond we have, sometimes I need to turn my attention to something other than Gideon *GASP*. I know right! Don't tell him that, he wouldn't understand.
In all honesty, he really doesn't understand. "Up Mama!" "Want Mama!" "Mama carry you" "Pweez Mama" While these phrases are precious and heartwarming, when you are up to your elbows in chopping vegetables, cooking chicken, keeping an eye on the oven and responding to emails/text messages/voicemails, all while singing 'Elmo's World', it is super tricky to hold a squirmy toddler that wants to "hep you Mama".
And so it begins....innocently enough.
"Up Mama!"
"Hold on honey"
"Uuuuppp Mama!"
"Patience, Gideon. Mama will pick you up in a minute."
"Payshence. No Mama."
"Gideon, Mama is cooking supper. It's HOT. Wait a minute."
"Not hold on. Suuuuuppppppper." Feet beginning to stomp and whining now in full force.
At this point I stop everything that I am doing, squat down to look him in the eye and say, "Gideon. No whining. Mama can't pick you up yet. You need to have patience. Thank you. Let's go color until Mama is finished."
Now he is shaking his head, climbing up my leg and his voice is getting higher pitched.
"No colors! Uuuuuuupppppppp Mama!!! No payshence. No supper!"
Being the good preschool teacher that I am, I ignore this escalation. He plops down on the floor and begins to have a good old-fashioned tantrum. I sigh, but know if I can ignore it for another minute or two the worst of it will be over and supper will be ready.
But my mama's heart hates seeing my heart and soul sad, so I give the rice a stir, peek in the oven and whisper in Gideon's ear, "As soon as you stop crying, I can pick you up. Mama can't hold you if you are whining. This is a no whining house. I love you. Show Mama patience. Thank you."
His tired, hungry and sad eyes lock onto mine and he KNOWS. The sobs become softer and he sits up. He rubs the tears off of his cheeks and says, "No whine-n. Payshence Mama. Ok."
And I pick him up and hug him and tell him I love him and all is right with the world.
Sometimes I am so jealous of children because while it's not necessarily acceptable behavior, it is understandable. There have been so many times that I have wanted to have a total meltdown and scream at the world "NO PATIENCE! Some one pick me up NOW!"
But just as Gideon doesn't see the bigger picture that Mama can't pick him up because knives are dangerous and the stove is hot and I only have 2 hands, someimes I don't see the bigger picture in my life. I want to be rescued, picked up and hugged and kissed and all my problems solved - in an instant.
But oooohhhhh, it's not that simple. The lesson that I am trying to teach Gideon is patience. To self soothe. To understand that Mama is always there and always looking out for him, even when he doesn't understand. Even when all he wants is to be picked up.
Isn't that that same lesson I am still learning? Isn't that what my Heavenly Father wants me to realize? That He can see the bigger picture and He knows all the variables and the outcome and He wants me to trust Him and learn patience. To be content in the meantime. Ah, the meantime. Ever notice it isn't called the 'nicetime'?
Every minor inconvenience is really a salvation. It is an opportunity to grow. To learn patience. To lean on His Everlasting Arms. And yes, I believe that He appreciates it when we reach our arms up to Him and say "Up Daddy". But He must also smile when we choose to maintain a cheerful attitude, not whine, and hone our patience until He is able to pick us up.
Colossians 1:9-12
New Living Translation (NLT)
9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[a] 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.
Thank you Father for just enough light for this step...
11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[a] 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.
Thank you Father for just enough light for this step...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Broken Vessels
Gideon has a favorite plate. I think it cost $1.50. I bought it about a year ago, and trust me - we have gotten our dollar and fifty cents worth out of that thing! If you were to come over to our house, you wouldn't realize it was such a treasure. It is "unbreakable" plastic. It is blue and white and has whales on it and says 'I Love You Whaley Much'. Profound, I know.
Not many nights ago, as Babe was doing the dishes and I was in the other room putting Gideon to bed, I heard a CRASH come from the kitchen. And then nothing....silence. So of course, my mama brain knew enough to know that something important had fallen. I finished putting my sweet boy down for the night and after a zillion books and kisses and hugs, I was able to close the door and investigate.
I walked into the kitchen and there.it.was. The whale plate. The unbreakable one. In about 4 pieces. Now, I am a pretty emotionally stable lady, but I am not going to lie, a few tears immediately sprang to my eyes. His favorite plate. His very first big boy plate. I imagined his disappointment upon not finding it washed and ready to eat off of in the morning. I was saddened to know that I couldn't go out and just replace it. And I am not overly sentimental, but I wasn't ready to let go of his FIRST BIG BOY plate...
Babe met my eyes, shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about sliding off the counter and accident and then picked the pieces up and tossed them into the trash can. The trash! Can you imagine?? My baby's favorite plate? Broken and then tossed aside. I pulled myself together and pulled the broken remains out of the trash and placed them in my husband's hands and said, "You broke it, you fix it. It matters." Then I walked out the room.
For the next 30 minutes, Babe perfomed precision surgery on the plate. He emerged triumphant from the kitchen, holding out the repaired treasure. From a distance you would never have known that less than an hour before it had been destroyed and tossed aside, dismissed as useless. Taking it in my hands and looking it over, I saw the cracks that were sealed forever with superglue. It would never be new and 'perfect' again. The repair was a good one, but the cracks were there. They would forever be a part of the plate. Babe told me that 'it should hold, we'll just have to be extra gentle when we wash it' (where were you an hour ago with that thought??? *sigh*). Good as new, he said.
The next morning, I handed Gideon his whale plate and he toddled over to his chair and ate his breakfast without even noticing the irrevocable damage sustained the previous night. He just loved his plate. He didn't see any flaws. And if he did, it didn't take away from the beauty of his treasure.
Good as new? Nope, better. Sure, it has cracks in it and I will have to be careful with it. But it still fulfills its purpose. It holds Gideon's food. It puts a smile on his face.
That plate is better than new because of the love that patched it up. My love for my son that rescued it from the trash. His father's love that painstakingly restored it. Gideon's love that overlooked the flaws and imperfections.
WOW! Isn't that an amazing metaphor for God's children? For you and me? We are handled roughly, carelessly. We slide off of our secure place and fall sometimes. Sometimes when we hit the bottom, we shatter. Sometimes, people look at us and say we aren't worth the effort and sweep us aside. But, if we let Him, God picks us up. He lovingly and carefully puts us back together. In His image. To reflect His love, His patience, His joy. True, most of us are cracked, broken. But we can be repaired to BETTER THAN NEW if we trust that beauty comes from ashes. Beautiful things are made from the dust.
God's Light shines so much more brightly through the cracks of our broken vessels than one that is unbreakable. I pray that God will come into my broken places and shine His light so brightly that it POURS out of me. That those who know me will be bathed in His light and love and grace.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD who has compassion on you.
(emphasis mine)
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step....
Not many nights ago, as Babe was doing the dishes and I was in the other room putting Gideon to bed, I heard a CRASH come from the kitchen. And then nothing....silence. So of course, my mama brain knew enough to know that something important had fallen. I finished putting my sweet boy down for the night and after a zillion books and kisses and hugs, I was able to close the door and investigate.
I walked into the kitchen and there.it.was. The whale plate. The unbreakable one. In about 4 pieces. Now, I am a pretty emotionally stable lady, but I am not going to lie, a few tears immediately sprang to my eyes. His favorite plate. His very first big boy plate. I imagined his disappointment upon not finding it washed and ready to eat off of in the morning. I was saddened to know that I couldn't go out and just replace it. And I am not overly sentimental, but I wasn't ready to let go of his FIRST BIG BOY plate...
Babe met my eyes, shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about sliding off the counter and accident and then picked the pieces up and tossed them into the trash can. The trash! Can you imagine?? My baby's favorite plate? Broken and then tossed aside. I pulled myself together and pulled the broken remains out of the trash and placed them in my husband's hands and said, "You broke it, you fix it. It matters." Then I walked out the room.
For the next 30 minutes, Babe perfomed precision surgery on the plate. He emerged triumphant from the kitchen, holding out the repaired treasure. From a distance you would never have known that less than an hour before it had been destroyed and tossed aside, dismissed as useless. Taking it in my hands and looking it over, I saw the cracks that were sealed forever with superglue. It would never be new and 'perfect' again. The repair was a good one, but the cracks were there. They would forever be a part of the plate. Babe told me that 'it should hold, we'll just have to be extra gentle when we wash it' (where were you an hour ago with that thought??? *sigh*). Good as new, he said.
The next morning, I handed Gideon his whale plate and he toddled over to his chair and ate his breakfast without even noticing the irrevocable damage sustained the previous night. He just loved his plate. He didn't see any flaws. And if he did, it didn't take away from the beauty of his treasure.
Good as new? Nope, better. Sure, it has cracks in it and I will have to be careful with it. But it still fulfills its purpose. It holds Gideon's food. It puts a smile on his face.
That plate is better than new because of the love that patched it up. My love for my son that rescued it from the trash. His father's love that painstakingly restored it. Gideon's love that overlooked the flaws and imperfections.
WOW! Isn't that an amazing metaphor for God's children? For you and me? We are handled roughly, carelessly. We slide off of our secure place and fall sometimes. Sometimes when we hit the bottom, we shatter. Sometimes, people look at us and say we aren't worth the effort and sweep us aside. But, if we let Him, God picks us up. He lovingly and carefully puts us back together. In His image. To reflect His love, His patience, His joy. True, most of us are cracked, broken. But we can be repaired to BETTER THAN NEW if we trust that beauty comes from ashes. Beautiful things are made from the dust.
God's Light shines so much more brightly through the cracks of our broken vessels than one that is unbreakable. I pray that God will come into my broken places and shine His light so brightly that it POURS out of me. That those who know me will be bathed in His light and love and grace.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD who has compassion on you.
(emphasis mine)
Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step....
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Storms
Last Saturday we had a wicked storm. Like a 'Katie bar the door, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore' crazy storm. In fact, the thunderstorm got so severe that tornadoes spun off of it and flash flooding was reported. And wouldn't you know, this just happened to be my run errands and buy groceries day. And of course when I left home, the sun was shining, so I didn't grab so much as an umbrella.
As Gideon and I did our errands, they ran a little long - as they often do - and he began to get tired of sitting in a cart and entertaining himself. He started getting tired and hungry and like any man, a little fussy. So I did what any smart mother would do - I picked up a small container of goldfish and a to-go pack of applesauce and let him snack away, buying myself a few extra minutes of time. However, the last 10 minutes in Target were basically an exercise in me smiling at all the patrons who were looking at the mother with a crying toddler and ignoring ALL OF IT (including the tantrum). As we checked out and made our way to the door, I only then realized that I couldn't see farther than 2 feet into the parking lot because it was raining so hard!
I looked from my toddler in the middle of a full fledged meltdown and the tornado outside and made the ONLY rational decision - I pushed my cart into the elements. Gideon was fascinated by the rain and his mood instantly improved! He laughed and screamed - now from JOY- tipping his face to the heavens to drink in the rain and reaching his sweet arms up to catch every last drop. As I ran through the parking lot, it occured to me that it was the same rain drenching my precious son as me and countless others, but no one else seemed to derive the same joy from the moment as him. I took a deep breath and sealed that moment in my mind for eternity. Joy doesn't come FROM our circumstances, it comes IN our circumstances.
As we drove home, we left the worst of the storm behind us. When we got home, the sun was shining brightly, but it was still raining. I marveled at the irony of it all - life is often like this. Sun and rain occurring simultaneously. I knew that only one thing could come from this. A rainbow! Sure enough, one appeared later and it was a gorgeous one. A promise of peace and new beginnings.
Later that evening, the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen filled the sky. Golds and pinks and oranges painted the horizon. I tried taking some pictures, but they didn't do it the justice it deserved. I was struck just how amazing God is. Earlier in the day, in the midst of the tantrums and the storms, there is no way I could have known how the day would end. In such beauty and glory! With a promise of renewal. A reminder to all who looked out their windows that, "I AM that I AM. The beginning and the end. Storms will come. But storms pass. And I am here always. My beauty remains. My love reigns. I will take the storms of your life and make them into beautiful things, if you just hold on."
Isaiah 61
In the wise words of my not-quite-yet 2 year old: AMEN!
Thank you Lord, for just enough light for the step that I am on....
As Gideon and I did our errands, they ran a little long - as they often do - and he began to get tired of sitting in a cart and entertaining himself. He started getting tired and hungry and like any man, a little fussy. So I did what any smart mother would do - I picked up a small container of goldfish and a to-go pack of applesauce and let him snack away, buying myself a few extra minutes of time. However, the last 10 minutes in Target were basically an exercise in me smiling at all the patrons who were looking at the mother with a crying toddler and ignoring ALL OF IT (including the tantrum). As we checked out and made our way to the door, I only then realized that I couldn't see farther than 2 feet into the parking lot because it was raining so hard!
I looked from my toddler in the middle of a full fledged meltdown and the tornado outside and made the ONLY rational decision - I pushed my cart into the elements. Gideon was fascinated by the rain and his mood instantly improved! He laughed and screamed - now from JOY- tipping his face to the heavens to drink in the rain and reaching his sweet arms up to catch every last drop. As I ran through the parking lot, it occured to me that it was the same rain drenching my precious son as me and countless others, but no one else seemed to derive the same joy from the moment as him. I took a deep breath and sealed that moment in my mind for eternity. Joy doesn't come FROM our circumstances, it comes IN our circumstances.
As we drove home, we left the worst of the storm behind us. When we got home, the sun was shining brightly, but it was still raining. I marveled at the irony of it all - life is often like this. Sun and rain occurring simultaneously. I knew that only one thing could come from this. A rainbow! Sure enough, one appeared later and it was a gorgeous one. A promise of peace and new beginnings.
Later that evening, the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen filled the sky. Golds and pinks and oranges painted the horizon. I tried taking some pictures, but they didn't do it the justice it deserved. I was struck just how amazing God is. Earlier in the day, in the midst of the tantrums and the storms, there is no way I could have known how the day would end. In such beauty and glory! With a promise of renewal. A reminder to all who looked out their windows that, "I AM that I AM. The beginning and the end. Storms will come. But storms pass. And I am here always. My beauty remains. My love reigns. I will take the storms of your life and make them into beautiful things, if you just hold on."
Isaiah 61
GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)
61 The Spirit of the Almighty Lord is with me
because the Lord has anointed me
to deliver good news to humble people.
He has sent me
to heal those who are brokenhearted,
to announce that captives will be set free
and prisoners will be released.
2 He has sent me
to announce the year of the Lord’s good will
and the day of our God’s vengeance,
to comfort all those who grieve.
3 He has sent me
to provide for all those who grieve in Zion,
to give them crowns instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of tears of grief,
and clothes of praise instead of a spirit of weakness.
because the Lord has anointed me
to deliver good news to humble people.
He has sent me
to heal those who are brokenhearted,
to announce that captives will be set free
and prisoners will be released.
2 He has sent me
to announce the year of the Lord’s good will
and the day of our God’s vengeance,
to comfort all those who grieve.
3 He has sent me
to provide for all those who grieve in Zion,
to give them crowns instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of tears of grief,
and clothes of praise instead of a spirit of weakness.
They will be called Oaks of Righteousness,
the Plantings of the Lord,
so that he might display his glory.
the Plantings of the Lord,
so that he might display his glory.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins.
They will restore the places destroyed long ago.
They will renew the ruined cities, the places destroyed generations ago.
5 Foreigners will come forward and become shepherds for your flocks,
and children of foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 You will be called the priests of the Lord.
You will be called the servants of our God.
You will consume the wealth of the nations.
You will boast in their splendor.
7 You will receive a double measure of wealth instead of your shame.
You will sing about your wealth instead of being disgraced.
That is why you will have a double measure of wealth in your land.
You will have everlasting joy.
8 I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people’s work.
I will make an everlasting promise[a] to them.
9 Then their offspring will be known among the nations
and their descendants among the people.
Everyone who sees them will recognize
that they are the descendants whom the Lord has blessed.
They will restore the places destroyed long ago.
They will renew the ruined cities, the places destroyed generations ago.
5 Foreigners will come forward and become shepherds for your flocks,
and children of foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 You will be called the priests of the Lord.
You will be called the servants of our God.
You will consume the wealth of the nations.
You will boast in their splendor.
7 You will receive a double measure of wealth instead of your shame.
You will sing about your wealth instead of being disgraced.
That is why you will have a double measure of wealth in your land.
You will have everlasting joy.
8 I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people’s work.
I will make an everlasting promise[a] to them.
9 Then their offspring will be known among the nations
and their descendants among the people.
Everyone who sees them will recognize
that they are the descendants whom the Lord has blessed.
(emphasis mine)
Thank you Lord, for just enough light for the step that I am on....
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