Mama Parkle!

"Mama parkle! Mama george-us!" Translation - 'Mama sparkle! Mama gorgeous!'

Having a child with a sweet spirit like Gideon's is like having your very own cheering squad. In his almost two years of life, I don't think I have ever fallen short in his eyes. I am larger than life. I am 'george-us'. I 'parkle'. My kisses heal boo-boos. My embrace quiets tantrums and calms fears. My body was his home and he nursed at my breast. I gave him LIFE. He loves me so....

This particular night, I am trying on clothes, getting ready to go to a meeting. As a mama and preschool teacher, I don't often dress "up". I fix my hair and put on make-up everyday. I am presentable. But I don't always 'sparkle'. My everyday life doesn't call for sparkle.

But tonight, I am going to be talking in front of a group of people. I try on several shirts, not aware that Gideon is watching my every move. The first shirt is a light pink tank top, covered in sequins. The next one is grey with ruching, and the third is teal. I try them all on with my skirt and then with a jacket. I decide on the grey shirt and sit down to put my heels on.

Suddenly, Gideon, who has been playing quietly, says "NO NO NO Mama!". He brings me the pink sequined tank and hands it to me and says, "Mama parkle". So I slip into it and turn to him. "Is this what you want honey?"

Gideon hugs my leg and looks up at me and says, "Mama parkle. Mama george-us!"

My heart melts and tears spring to my eyes.

Isn't this the cry of all of our hearts? To know that we are SEEN. That we are beautiful. What a precious gift my son gave me that night. In the wear and tear of day to day, I was forgetting my sparkle.

I was made to sparkle. To stand out. To SHINE. It is my duty and honor to sparkle for my son. To be his light. To reflect His Light.

1 Peter 3:4

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

⁴ Rather, beauty is something internal that can’t be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious.

Proverbs 31:28-30
AMP

28  Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],29  Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.30  Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

Thank you Lord, for giving me just enough light for this step...

Falling Into Rest

Tonight while reading "Goodnight Moon" for the 12th time, I noticed that Gideon kept pointing to this one particular picture that was black and white and saying, "blue, red, blue, red". I couldn't figure out why he was determined that these 3 little bears sitting in chairs were blue and red, when clearly they were black and white. However, on the 13th time reading the story, I realized that on the first page of the book, there were those bears in full color. And wouldn't you know it - they were indeed blue and red.

I honestly can't tell you how many times I have read that book and I never paid any attention to the color of the bears, because it didn't seem like an important part of the story. And yet it was very important to Gideon. He not only noticed their original color, but he noticed when the color was lacking.

Perhaps this 'minor' detail would've remained just that to me if only I hadn't fallen...

Over the weekend, Gideon and I went to the park (as we often do) and while there, a young girl of about 4 fell from the top of a slide, about 10-12 feet off the ground. I saw her getting way to close to the edge and looked around for her parents. Not seeing them, I began walking toward her and telling her to back up. But alas, she stepped over the side into nothingness and was dangling within seconds. I sprinted the rest of the way to her and managed to get under her just as she let go and fell. I caught her and set her on the ground, relieved that she was unharmed, but ANGRY that her parents were nowhere to be found! Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I looked around again for her parents. She ran off to play again, totally unaware of the danger that she had just been in.

As well as I understand that no one can be everywhere at once, I was angry that her parents were no where to be found! I mean - COME ON! Anyway, Gideon and I stayed a little longer and then we headed out.

Yesterday, I found myself recounting this story to a friend as we were talking about raising toddlers. Her daughter is very adventurous and requires a higher level of alert than Gideon. So, standing in my kitchen, I demonstrate how I caught this little girl. The only difference was that this time, I stepped on a baking sheet that Gideon had been playing drums on. My right leg shot out, my left leg flew up and I did the most commplete split of my entire life. And then I fell over onto my butt. It felt like it was happening is slow motion and according to my friend, it was very graceful.

But it hurt. A lot. Right away. And I have a pretty high pain threshold, but ouch! I knew that it wasn't good. I laid down when Gideon took his nap about an hour later, hoping that if I rested a little I would be good as new. Not so much. I tried stretching and yoga and even some pain medicine, but it just seemed to get worse as time passed.

When my alarm went off this morning, I knew I wasn't going to be able to move. Oh it was BAD. I forced myself up and got in the shower, still hoping that my sore, stiff muscles would relax and I would be ok. But I almost threw up trying to dry off and getting dressed nearly sent me over the edge.

I called my chiropractor as soon as his office opened and made an appointment. It was pretty bad he said. Rest, ice and anti-inflammatories. And come back on Wednesday. So home I went. I walked in the house - which looked like it had been hit by a tornado, because I hadn't straightened up after our playdate yesterday. The dishes weren't done from the night before, laundry needed to be folded, the bed wasn't made....*sigh*

I thought about doing a quick clean and then I moved. And remembered. I HURT. So, I grabbed 2 ibuprofen, some water, and an ice pack and made my way to the couch. I got situated and turned on the TV. It was 10:00 on the dot. I flipped through a few channels and found an episode of Joyce Meyer. Today her show was her Annual Report. I almost changed the channel. But then she sid something that spoke straight to my heart. She was talking about how her ministry had expanded in the face of incredible adversity. She had been ready to quit pushing ahead and God reminded her to "not grow weary in well-doing, for IN DUE TIME, you will reap".

Oh, God, You always find a way to get Your message across! I have been going through some stuff - haven't we all?? And I am guilty of growing weary. Sometimes it seems like you're the only person doing the right thing and that it isn't getting you anywhere. Wouldn't it just be easier to throw in the towel and quit? Stop doing the right thing? Stop pressing on and pressing in?

Aren't we all a little guilty of striving? Fixing? We trust God to get us where we're going, but we try to help Him out. We try to take shortcuts or figure it out on our own. We ask for signs and then interpret everything to mean what we want it to mean. We grow weary...but are we resting? I mean properly, resting? Do we sit still enough to know what God's will is for us? Or are we so full steam ahead that we miss the small still Voice? Do we set off on a path that we determine and then expect God to follow us??? WHOA

Am I glad that I fell and hurt my back? Not at all. It still hurts like the dickens. I would love nothing more than to get up off the couch and be free from pain. But what I know is God allowed me to slow down long enough to get my attention. To remind me that He is in everything and that He will never leave me or forsake me. That He has (notice the past tense here!!!) the victory and we are ONLY required to remain focused and steadfast on our journey. He never asks us to accomplish it in a certain amount of time, He only asks us to not grow weary.

He wants us to see the color in our stories. Sometimes we simply scan our environment and overlook the details that make up part of our story. And no one's story is the same. I can't tell yours and you can't tell mine. I need your story. You might need mine. But need to stay rested and focused so that we don't miss the 'red, blue' and all the many other colors and details.

And when we do get a little weary, that is ok. He wants to give us rest. He will re-invigorate us and set us back on the right path. But first we must be willing to rest and follow.

Exodus 33:14 (NIV)

The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Galatians 6:9

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

 Thank you Lord, for just enough light for this step...

Up Mama!!

"Mama! Maaamaaa! MAMA!!!!! MMMMAAAAAMMMMMMAAAA"

There is a strict no whining rule in our house, but it is one that has to be constantly enforced. At almost 2, whining tends to come with the territory, and nipping that vicious little habit is a daily battle. A battle that begins at dawn and wages until bedtime. And I should mention that Gideon is a pretty happy little human and not really a whiner at all...but it just happens. Alot.

As a teacher, I am just recently back to work and Gideon does not enjoy the separation. Some days he handles it better than others, giving me 'mooches' and trotting to the door, eating his cereal bar and chirping about seeing his friends at the sitter. Other days he begs me not to go and screams and claws at my clothes and desparately cries, "NO Mama! No work! Home Gideon." It crushes my soul. It slices me open and makes me want to slide down to the floor and sob and hold him and never let go. Instead, smiling a sad smile, fighting tears, choking on the lump in my throat, I kiss his sweet face, wipe his tears and softly promise that after work I will pick him up and we will play. I tell him that I love him and that he is reason for everything that I do. And I say 'Mama loves you so much. Have a good day big boy. Mama is proud of you.' And I close my eyes and walk away. His cries echoing in my mind and haunting me all day. It pushes me. It moves me. It DRIVES me. To matter. To make a difference. To make the time I am spending away from him count for something. Because that is the only way I can justify the daily torment.

But I digress....

Due to our forced separtion, Gideon wants ALL of my attention when we are together. And if I am home, we are TOGETHER. In the bathroom. In the kitchen. On the couch. Playing, talking, reading, making memories. And as much as I love him and love the bond we have, sometimes I need to turn my attention to something other than Gideon *GASP*. I know right! Don't tell him that, he wouldn't understand.

In all honesty, he really doesn't understand. "Up Mama!" "Want Mama!" "Mama carry you" "Pweez Mama" While these phrases are precious and heartwarming, when you are up to your elbows in chopping vegetables, cooking chicken, keeping an eye on the oven and responding to emails/text messages/voicemails, all while singing 'Elmo's World', it is super tricky to hold a squirmy toddler that wants to "hep you Mama".

And so it begins....innocently enough.

"Up Mama!"
"Hold on honey"
"Uuuuppp Mama!"
"Patience, Gideon. Mama will pick you up in a minute."
"Payshence. No Mama."
"Gideon, Mama is cooking supper. It's HOT. Wait a minute."
"Not hold on. Suuuuuppppppper." Feet beginning to stomp and whining now in full force.

At this point I stop everything that I am doing, squat down to look him in the eye and say, "Gideon. No whining. Mama can't pick you up yet. You need to have patience. Thank you. Let's go color until Mama is finished."

Now he is shaking his head, climbing up my leg and his voice is getting higher pitched.
"No colors! Uuuuuuupppppppp Mama!!! No payshence. No supper!"

Being the good preschool teacher that I am, I ignore this escalation. He plops down on the floor and begins to have a good old-fashioned tantrum. I sigh, but know if I can ignore it for another minute or two the worst of it will be over and supper will be ready.

But my mama's heart hates seeing my heart and soul sad, so I give the rice a stir, peek in the oven and whisper in Gideon's ear, "As soon as you stop crying, I can pick you up. Mama can't hold you if you are whining. This is a no whining house. I love you. Show Mama patience. Thank you."

His tired, hungry and sad eyes lock onto mine and he KNOWS. The sobs become softer and he sits up. He rubs the tears off of his cheeks and says, "No whine-n. Payshence Mama. Ok."

And I pick him up and hug him and tell him I love him and all is right with the world.

Sometimes I am so jealous of children because while it's not necessarily acceptable behavior, it is understandable. There have been so many times that I have wanted to have a total meltdown and scream at the world "NO PATIENCE! Some one pick me up NOW!"

But just as Gideon doesn't see the bigger picture that Mama can't pick him up because knives are dangerous and the stove is hot and I only have 2 hands, someimes I don't see the bigger picture in my life. I want to be rescued, picked up and hugged and kissed and all my problems solved - in an instant.

But oooohhhhh, it's not that simple. The lesson that I am trying to teach Gideon is patience. To self soothe. To understand that Mama is always there and always looking out for him, even when he doesn't understand. Even when all he wants is to be picked up.

Isn't that that same lesson I am still learning? Isn't that what my Heavenly Father wants me to realize? That He can see the bigger picture and He knows all the variables and the outcome and He wants me to trust Him and learn patience. To be content in the meantime. Ah, the meantime. Ever notice it isn't called the 'nicetime'?

Every minor inconvenience is really a salvation. It is an opportunity to grow. To learn patience. To lean on His Everlasting Arms. And yes, I believe that He appreciates it when we reach our arms up to Him and say "Up Daddy". But He must also smile when we choose to maintain a cheerful attitude, not whine, and hone our patience until He is able to pick us up.

Colossians 1:9-12

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁹ So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. ¹⁰ Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
¹¹ We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,^{[a] 12} always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.


Thank you Father for just enough light for this step...

Broken Vessels

Gideon has a favorite plate. I think it cost $1.50. I bought it about a year ago, and trust me - we have gotten our dollar and fifty cents worth out of that thing! If you were to come over to our house, you wouldn't realize it was such a treasure. It is "unbreakable" plastic. It is blue and white and has whales on it and says 'I Love You Whaley Much'. Profound, I know.

Not many nights ago, as Babe was doing the dishes and I was in the other room putting Gideon to bed, I heard a CRASH come from the kitchen. And then nothing....silence. So of course, my mama brain knew enough to know that something important had fallen. I finished putting my sweet boy down for the night and after a zillion books and kisses and hugs, I was able to close the door and investigate.

I walked into the kitchen and there.it.was. The whale plate. The unbreakable one. In about 4 pieces. Now, I am a pretty emotionally stable lady, but I am not going to lie, a few tears immediately sprang to my eyes. His favorite plate. His very first big boy plate. I imagined his disappointment upon not finding it washed and ready to eat off of in the morning. I was saddened to know that I couldn't go out and just replace it. And I am not overly sentimental, but I wasn't ready to let go of his FIRST BIG BOY plate...

Babe met my eyes, shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about sliding off the counter and accident and then picked the pieces up and tossed them into the trash can. The trash! Can you imagine?? My baby's favorite plate? Broken and then tossed aside. I pulled myself together and pulled the broken remains out of the trash and placed them in my husband's hands and said, "You broke it, you fix it. It matters." Then I walked out the room.


For the next 30 minutes, Babe perfomed precision surgery on the plate. He emerged triumphant from the kitchen, holding out the repaired treasure. From a distance you would never have known that less than an hour before it had been destroyed and tossed aside, dismissed as useless. Taking it in my hands and looking it over, I saw the cracks that were sealed forever with superglue. It would never be new and 'perfect' again. The repair was a good one, but the cracks were there. They would forever be a part of the plate. Babe told me that 'it should hold, we'll just have to be extra gentle when we wash it' (where were you an hour ago with that thought??? *sigh*). Good as new, he said.

The next morning, I handed Gideon his whale plate and he toddled over to his chair and ate his breakfast without even noticing the irrevocable damage sustained the previous night. He just loved his plate. He didn't see any flaws. And if he did, it didn't take away from the beauty of his treasure.

Good as new? Nope, better. Sure, it has cracks in it and I will have to be careful with it. But it still fulfills its purpose. It holds Gideon's food. It puts a smile on his face.

That plate is better than new because of the love that patched it up. My love for my son that rescued it from the trash. His father's love that painstakingly restored it. Gideon's love that overlooked the flaws and imperfections.

WOW! Isn't that an amazing metaphor for God's children? For you and me? We are handled roughly, carelessly. We slide off of our secure place and fall sometimes. Sometimes when we hit the bottom, we shatter. Sometimes, people look at us and say we aren't worth the effort and sweep us aside. But, if we let Him, God picks us up. He lovingly and carefully puts us back together. In His image. To reflect His love, His patience, His joy. True, most of us are cracked, broken. But we can be repaired to BETTER THAN NEW if we trust that beauty comes from ashes. Beautiful things are made from the dust.

God's Light shines so much more brightly through the cracks of our broken vessels than one that is unbreakable. I pray that God will come into my broken places and shine His light so brightly that it POURS out of me. That those who know me will be bathed in His light and love and grace.

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD who has compassion on you.
(emphasis mine)

Thank you Lord for just enough light for this step....

Storms

Last Saturday we had a wicked storm. Like a 'Katie bar the door, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore' crazy storm. In fact, the thunderstorm got so severe that tornadoes spun off of it and flash flooding was reported. And wouldn't you know, this just happened to be my run errands and buy groceries day. And of course when I left home, the sun was shining, so I didn't grab so much as an umbrella.

As Gideon and I did our errands, they ran a little long - as they often do - and he began to get tired of sitting in a cart and entertaining himself. He started getting tired and hungry and like any man, a little fussy. So I did what any smart mother would do - I picked up a small container of goldfish and a to-go pack of applesauce and let him snack away, buying myself a few extra minutes of time. However, the last 10 minutes in Target were basically an exercise in me smiling at all the patrons who were looking at the mother with a crying toddler and ignoring ALL OF IT (including the tantrum). As we checked out and made our way to the door, I only then realized that I couldn't see farther than 2 feet into the parking lot because it was raining so hard!

I looked from my toddler in the middle of a full fledged meltdown and the tornado outside and made the ONLY rational decision - I pushed my cart into the elements. Gideon was fascinated by the rain and his mood instantly improved! He laughed and screamed - now from JOY- tipping his face to the heavens to drink in the rain and reaching his sweet arms up to catch every last drop. As I ran through the parking lot, it occured to me that it was the same rain drenching my precious son as me and countless others, but no one else seemed to derive the same joy from the moment as him. I took a deep breath and sealed that moment in my mind for eternity. Joy doesn't come FROM our circumstances, it comes IN our circumstances.

As we drove home, we left the worst of the storm behind us. When we got home, the sun was shining brightly, but it was still raining. I marveled at the irony of it all - life is often like this. Sun and rain occurring simultaneously. I knew that only one thing could come from this. A rainbow! Sure enough, one appeared later and it was a gorgeous one. A promise of peace and new beginnings.

Later that evening, the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen filled the sky. Golds and pinks and oranges painted the horizon. I tried taking some pictures, but they didn't do it the justice it deserved. I was struck just how amazing God is. Earlier in the day, in the midst of the tantrums and the storms, there is no way I could have known how the day would end. In such beauty and glory! With a promise of renewal. A reminder to all who looked out their windows that, "I AM that I AM. The beginning and the end. Storms will come. But storms pass. And I am here always. My beauty remains. My love reigns. I will take the storms of your life and make them into beautiful things, if you just hold on."

Isaiah 61

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

 

61 The Spirit of the Almighty Lord is with me
because the Lord has anointed me
to deliver good news to humble people.
He has sent me
to heal those who are brokenhearted,
to announce that captives will be set free
and prisoners will be released.
² He has sent me
to announce the year of the Lord’s good will
and the day of our God’s vengeance,
to comfort all those who grieve.
³ He has sent me
to provide for all those who grieve in Zion,
to give them crowns instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of tears of grief,
and clothes of praise instead of a spirit of weakness.

They will be called Oaks of Righteousness,
the Plantings of the Lord,
so that he might display his glory.

 ⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins.
They will restore the places destroyed long ago.
They will renew the ruined cities, the places destroyed generations ago.
⁵ Foreigners will come forward and become shepherds for your flocks,
and children of foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ You will be called the priests of the Lord.
You will be called the servants of our God.
You will consume the wealth of the nations.
You will boast in their splendor.
⁷ You will receive a double measure of wealth instead of your shame.
You will sing about your wealth instead of being disgraced.
That is why you will have a double measure of wealth in your land.
You will have everlasting joy.
⁸ I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people’s work.
I will make an everlasting promise^[a] to them.
⁹ Then their offspring will be known among the nations
and their descendants among the people.
Everyone who sees them will recognize
that they are the descendants whom the Lord has blessed.

(emphasis mine)

 

In the wise words of my not-quite-yet 2 year old: AMEN!

Thank you Lord, for just enough light for the step that I am on....